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I went thrift shopping on Monday and found a dollar rack. Each item of clothing on the rack was one dollar. I found two pairs of nice pants (one kakhi and the other light brown dress slacks) and a t-shirt with stripes. I bought a pair of black sandals from the same store.
On Tuesday I went to this place called a worksource center where you can get help to find a job. I went in to print my resume and a job application for activity leader working with disabled people. I faxed the resume and the app. on Wednesday. I haven't heard anything from the company yet though so it doesn't really look that great for that position.
I have been communicating by e-mail with the person that needs the caregiver and he is trying to reach me by phone. He checked my references and now he wants to interview me. He couldn't reach me last night because I was on the phone for two and a half hours with a friend.
Yesterday I went to my general practitioner to get a prescription for a cream for my face; but he couldn't prescribe it. He referred me to a dermatologist who I will be seeing on Thursday. It is going to cost me an arm and a leg to buy the face cream; but I have to have it. So I went on a long bus ride for nothing.
A few good things came out of my having gone though. I got to go to one of my favorite thrift stores called "out of the closet" and I found a pair of Steve Madden tennis shoes and a periwinkle colored skirt. The cashier likes me so he gives me a discount. I think I want to go back and talk to him. He has great green eyes and always says "Bye, pretty." I am due back at the GP in two weeks so I can go then.
I am talking to a guy by e-mail and it is going nowhere. I met him on craigslist. I mean how boring can you get? I don't even have a picture of him yet. I don't know how this little deal will turn out. In one letter he wrote me that he was studying history at university and he said that Queen Elizabeth really got around. I won't put the rest of that comment. It is a bit risque maybe.
I think tomorrow I will go see Waitress with a friend and her daughter. I have been wanting to see it.
I went shopping with a friend yesterday and bought a dress. It is a wrap around dress with paislies. Last night I went with another friend to see comedy improv and it was fun. The comedians ask for your input on phrases or words to help them create skits. They have games they have planned and the suggestions that the audience makes help them to play the game.
I don't know for sure if I will be going into the transitional housing that I have been applying for. I might opt out. I don't like the idea of sharing an apartment with a stranger. Also, I would have to have a card signed weekly to show that I have completed 20 hours of activity per week. They do inspections and keep a watchful eye on you to be sure that your mental health is good. I think that all that supervision is too much for me. I might just stay here a while and get a job.
I found out that a local department store is hiring for dressing room attendant and I might go in Tuesday to apply when they do their interviews. I am worried though that they probably only pay minimum wage. I don't know if it is worth it to work all week and come out with only 200 dollars more per month than I already get.
I am applying for a weekend caregiver position too. It is as a live in on the weekends only. I don't know how much it pays. I am waiting on a phone call from the employer.
Today I washed my linens and swept my apartment. I also moved my chest of drawers out of the closet and put a storage unit up by the kitchen area. My friend gave me the storage unit and it is made of sturdy mesh metal and you put it together with these small clasps that hook the corners together. It feels good to get a few more things done in here. I also put my empty cardboard boxes in my closet. I had a lot of clothes piled up that I had to hang too. So I had a slow day. I made no pudge fudge. You get the mix and add yogurt and stir it. I really shouldn't use the oven in summer because I don't have an air conditioner. I will get one if I choose to stay here.
Can I get a witness? Can I get an Amen? Thank you!
Ok I'm just plain wierd and stupid. I mean I write such shit here on this blog. I mean I can't even stand to read it. But none the less I return and continue.
I have had too many boring days lately. Last week was rather uneventful. I went to the Shizophrenics Anonymous meeting on Monday and received encouragement. Saturday I saw a good friend and we had coffee. After that we went shopping at the 99 cent store. I wore my fuzzy leopard cowboy hat and my leopard print t-shirt. Yesterday was father's day and I bought some prepaid long distance and called my dad. He encouraged me to pursue my long-term goal of becoming an Occupational Therapy Assistant. I need to boost my math skills so that I can take Algebra. For this degree I also need to take Anatomy and Physiology. I will have to move some distance to do the courses. I am kind of chicken about moving somewhere where I will know no one.
I have been communicating with my mom via e-mail since she is in The Virgin Islands on business. She says that I shouldn't bite off more than I can chew.
Today I went to change my name back to my maiden name. I mean finally you know? I have been divorced for 3 years and so today I went to order my new social security card. It took an hour standing in line and they accepted my i.d. eventhough it is expired. I only went to do this because I lost my social security card and was forced to go. Next I will get a new i.d. made that says my maiden name on it. I thought I'd die being stuck in the line with all these people today. I was having major anxiety.
After SS office I went to my shrink who I saw for the last time. So next month I will get a new one. Or maybe it won't be July; but instead August. Continuity of care? What in God's name is that? I still don't have a therapist.
I found out about another day program and am waiting for a call back. I don't know if that is what I want to do. Anyhow I am still applying to jobs.
So after the shrink today I floated down this major boulevard in a snaking bus to eat a couple of pupusas and then walked a mile or so to an interview on housing. I got there and the manager who was due to interview me wasn't there and so I waited a while. A lady walked up and asked me to translate what the manager was saying into Spanish and I did my best. So what I learned as I translated was that they have a new building near me that has apartments open and that I should go on Thursday at 9 a.m. to apply. The interview never happened by the way because this manager couldn't find my file. So I told her that I would return on Thursday. I am kind of concerned that this new housing development is only open to homeless people. So I am trying to contact someone to ask more questions.
On Wednesday I am seeing a dr. about ovarian pain. I will probably get nowhere with it; but I will try.
Do you ever go back and think of things you wish you would have said? I wish I would have told Michael Jordan that he is a tall drink of water.
Last Saturday I went to see a movie called Angel-A with a friend and we were both kind of puzzled by it. We did have fun going though. Tomorrow we are going to a concert downtown to see a few bands play. One band is called Dengue Fever and another one is a favorite of mine called Ozomatli. We are prepared to dance and are going to wear dancing shoes.
Today I am seeing an old friend I have known for 13 years. We are going to eat at a salad bar. She had wanted to see a movie; but I told her that I didn't want to see "Knocked Up".
I went to a job interview with a grocery store chain that delivers groceries on Wednesday. I was applying for shopper which means that I would be one of the people who pull items off the shelf to fill the order. I was so excited about it that I didn't sleep much Tuesday night. But then when I went the guy said that the stores that these postions work out of are very far for me. He offered a positon as a courtesy clerk at a store that wouldn't have been far from where I will be living soon. I decided not to take it because I really wasn't sure I would be good at it. What if I wasn't fast enough and it was plain stressfull? It pays minimum wage too. ($7.50 per hour) The other stinky part about it is that although the union isn't really working for courtesy clerks you would still be paying a nice chunk for union dues. I felt really down about this interview on Thursday because I felt hopeless about finding work that I feel confident doing. I keep searching like a rabid dog for job listings online and come up with nothing I have the qualifications for. Maybe I need to finish my B.A. after all. I need help from a career counselor to explore my options.
She went off on a tangent
got pissed at her hairdresser
for cutting her hair to cover half her face
and started snipping away
where the hair had overgrown its welcome.
Was it like a trance, a dream?
It became a mission;
she lost track of time and space.
This became strangely apparent
after months of floating around
with hair like a Buddhist nun
and feeling quite sexy all the while.
Was it that someone had snipped
a bit more as she was sleeping?
Exhiliration turned to a sense of loss
as the thought dawned that this was to be
a semi-permanent state
and didn't at all feel attractive.
So she changed lipstick shades,
donned big dangly chandaleir earrings
and tried to feel excited during
each new stage of hair growth.
Maybe soon she thought
her hair would support
a nice delicate jeweled comb;
or maybe after Summer and Fall
she could pin it up again.
So her eyeshadow became more colorful
and her clothes just wouldn't work anymore.
How could all this attire have suited her fancy
before her long trip to make believe?
She could pretend that she lost her hair
due to chemotherapy; but winter is over
and her hats are growing too hot for
the Southern California summer.
She is thankful that after her trip to pergatory
and while walking five feet above earth
she didn't do major disfigurement.
So today she will try not to look in the mirror
because that face just isn't hers
and she will peice together fancy scarves
and broches to cover her plainess.
She stood by and watched as a crumbled statue
taped and glued clumsily
was beginning to float away like a hot air balloon
while people pulled on ropes
attempting to keep it earthbound.
To her this just meant that the
shift in her was a release in attachment
to a journey which had brought both pleasure and pain.
She is the statue.