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The esteemed Frau Doktor O, my psychiatrist and sleep specialist, doesn't want to go the Zyprexa route, at least not now. I think she remembers all too clearly my anguish when I took it last time and the struggles we had so often over my continuing to take it as prescribed.
Although I still miss it immensely, I can't say I'm not a little relieved to have the decision out of my hands, because I know there was always ambivalence...Argh! How can a medication be so incredibly helpful and so terrible at one and the same time? BTW: a message to Samantha, if you read this entry: I admire you and your fortitude, your lack of that demon vanity, to stick to your guns and take the Risperdal despite the weight gain, because you know that you are much better on it than another drug...I hope for your sake especially that they come up with a solutiion to help you continue and yet also be healthier physically.
Right now, I am off the Haldol, but still on Geodon and Abilify and fighting to get off the Geodon. I did get off all the Trileptal, without a return of the olfactory hallucinations, so my double visiion has cleared up. That's another medication I'm off now too. We are changing from Luvox to Effexor, which used to work well and carried me through several years of deep depression. I'm hoping that this change will be enough to help motivate me out of my apathy and listlessness. We'll have to wait and see, though, as it will take a while to make the switch completely.
I dunno what to say about how I am doing these days. I am presently staying with my sister, to work on speeches for upcoming engagements, three of them in one week. But I sit around doing very little. I spend a lot of time on the computer, mostly checking for and writing e-mail or looking up things on the net, but I barely get up off the couch and have to be talked into leaving her condo...I do joke with her and talk and laugh enough so neither she nor her love know how I feel, and I wouldn't want them to. They've been through enough with me!
Anyhow, I think after writing this I'll go watch the comedy channel again to cheer myself up and get out of this mood. Because as Lynnie sometimes says, when I call her, down and crying, "It's a feeling, and feelings pass." She tells me to get up and make myself stop thinking, do something, watch a comedy until I laugh and am no longer thinking about the things that bring me down...It sounds too pat and easy, but I assure you, for those lower than usual moods, it really does work. And tomorrow does come and the feelings don't last.Posted by pamwagg at February 24, 2006 05:05 PM