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My weekend is real because I work all week. Not because I do great things on Friday night.
I napped a few hours and now will go to work for another day. I am looking forward to the weekend now.
I am smoking one smoke now after the game. I only smoked half of it now and put it out as I was smoking heavily and burning the smoke fast. This is not a good mood to be in. it is like The Matrix. The wise women are in the building and immigrant power is mystical not scientific. The home the hearth is here for all. And the magic continues.
I took 3 mg of risperadol. The game is still on and could go into overtime.
I made it through watching the second period with no smokes, and now as the break ends I am winding down too and more relaxed. The game goes late but I may take one pill now.
I played road hockey when I was younger. I am doing fine but a little tense with no smokes and we are one third of the way through the game. I will probably be so excited tonight I will stay up all night. Although these days when I am up all night I nap on the couch.
One day at a time eh? Tonight I am watching hockey and I am trying to achieve a smoke free game watching session. This is taking the bull by the horns as my last heavy smoking was during the last game I watched on Monday.
Game on smoke free! I hope.
I am working again today. I will watch hockey tonight. Go Sens Go. I am just making coffee and taking some vitamins. I have been in touch with a poverty activist this week. I have some union paperwork that is late and must get done.
I get pretty wrapped up by ebay. I get a lot of old technology and some works once and then I never get it working again. I waste a lot of good money this way. At least I can give away or resell some of this stuff. I really should just concentrate on buying our food and supporting my work and school. I should also support my wife and get her what she needs. I am too embracing of all this technology.
I hate being criticized. I think people who do this are wimps and like causing pain and embarrassment. Those who think they are superior in social skills are especially evil with their cruelty. Much like the movie Carey. I feel for every bullied child who must deal with these feelings. This is where we must focus solving justice problems by standing up against those "social skillers" who are mean and petty.
I watched the hockey game and the Canadian team lost. I lost the office hockey pool once again.
My quitting smoking is slipping slightly. I smoke when I am excited by the game play. Although this evening was the first time ever that I did not smoke during the break in our board of director's meeting.
I ate supper on the balcony and ate rice, broccoli and a lentil burger. So I using the balcony now.
I am just going to bike to our board of director's meeting. Or I may take a bus. I want to get home by 8:00 PM for the hockey game. Go Sens Go!
I completed some work related paperwork on the weekend. I am applying to take a course at work. Actually it is to get recertified in first aid and CPR. I am again going into work early and am just making a coffee for work and having my second last pre-work smoke.
I shaved and feel much better now. I am just going to call telephone banking and record the accounts and see about our budget. I am late with the hydro/electricity and cable payments right now. Also the rent is due.
I was bidding on some expensive items on ebay and had second thoughts after researching the products. Luckily just now I have been outbid and will not have to spend this money. I am tired and may sleep soon.
My partner was awake when I woke up from my nap at 11:00 AM. She told me the spirits had told her not to go to the stained glass studio today. She instead spent some money on pop, cereal and a chocolate bar for me.
Since waking up I have been studying and installing Debian Linux. I am having some luck this time with Debian. I printed out a copy of my term paper that was the first paper I wrote with other students. I read the paper carefully. I will do some more studies this afternoon.
At present I am very itchy and feel bothered by my dirty glasses and stuff poking me in the side like books on the couch. My beard is also itchy and needs shaving this afternoon. I can not seem to get comfortable. Everything is busy busy. I need more rest and will take my meds now and sleep in a few hours. I think I will venture out on the balcony as I proof read this post.
I slept at 4:30 PM on Friday until 8:00 PM when C and J came by and we watched some NASA videos and we read books. I then slept from about 12:30 AM Saturday to 10:00 AM. I have been up since then mostly sitting on the couch at the computer. I did get out this morning and bought milk and bread. My partner is going to make some stained glass art work today. I have gotten her some money for this so I am also looking after her needs and wishes. I am going to sleep around 2:00 PM this afternoon. But may instead of the usual long sleeping hours, rest for a few hours now without meds and then wake up for a few hours and go to sleep at say 4:00 PM with meds.
In the last two hours, I have been writing work related applications to apply for more senior jobs that will allow me to grow more. I did forget to do something at work on Friday but I am not sure how much trouble I will be in for this forgetfulness. I am working in my new duties again this coming week so this should be a good week over all. I did now complete one application and I have another two to still write. I also have two other jobs I have applied for last month that have interviews and tests to still complete. So this past week has seen much action on the new job/next job front.
I downloaded some Debian images for that OS. I am tinkering with an old laptop again. I am fairly busy with my computers today.
My partner sold three of her books. I have been studying and surfing e-commerce web sites like ebay and store web sites.
I am not out shopping today as we are broke. I am instead trying to get by with less money until payday.
I need to clean up the balcony some more and will do some clean up today. I just sat out there. My partner is out with her ACT team selling her poetry book. It is nice weather here today and I have the fan on in the air conditioner but am not cooling the air.
I was late to work yesterday but worked late to make up for it. I also worked some extra hours yesterday and will again today so I can attend a lecture at work in two weeks time.
I was given my performance review at work yesterday. I found out my supervisors consider me a good worker and my previous supervisor considers me a very good worker but she did not input in my formal review. I signed the review and will move forward positively now.
I am staying up all night. I will attend a dawn native spiritual ceremony down near the river in about half an hour. This ceremony is sponsored by my workplace. I will then come home and get ready for work. I should leave for this ceremony in about ten minutes. I need to shave and get some socks on and wear my Nike trail shoes this morning.
I seem to do less programming and more consuming with the Internet these days. I spent about an hour combined time updating my facebook and reading profiles and joining groups. Certainly I have little privacy on facebook and my boss is there with me as are coworkers. Now some of my network nodes on facebook know I have schizophrenia but I won't let this appear on facebook but there is that risk.
I bought some music CD's for less than 5 dollars each and also some blank DVD's all for about 20 dollars on credit. I also bought a Scott vest fleece pullover and in awful camo colours. Oh well I have wanted a Scott Vest item for a long time and it cost less than 35$ what with the strong Canadian dollar.
My partner watched Star Trek, the movie and Marathon Man. I watched TV news and also did the accounts by telephone banking. I am getting ready to clean the office a little. I also swept the balcony a bit today.
I worked today but came home to an empty house. My partner is out with her ACT team visiting the Art Gallery. I am debating going to the electronics store to buy a computer headset but probably won't do that.
I worked yesterday and am getting ready for work this morning. I have put out my partner's meds in her pill box. I am just making a coffee to take to work. I did the accounts and faxed in the income verification to the government disAbility office. I am early for work still today.
I slept yesterday at about noon and then woke up at 8:00 PM. I am just getting ready to go into work for the day today. I am feeling tired.
I am using social networking web sites like facebook and myspace to network with famous people, coworkers, fellow and sister students and also technical and union people.
I have done the calculations and photocopies of pay stubs. I just need to write an explanation letter and then fax this to the government disAbility program office for another month. We actually are now paying off debit to the government disAbility office. Or rather they are paying it off for us rather than giving us more money.
I found my staples and secured the netting a bit better on the balcony. I also swept up a bit more. I am realising I need to clean constantly every day.
I picked up the uncluttering book after leaving it alone for a month. I guess I was focused on school rather than home cleaning. This past week I moved my desk to the window for better computer lighting and also so I can use all the shelves I bought on sale for the desk.
This morning I put socks and t-shirts in garbage bags for my partner to wash. I also picked up around the living room couch and should clear it off because my partner will use it while I sleep today. I am also hoping to clean the balcony today before sleeping. I have a check list for the balcony work. I will change into some old clothes and get started on that now. I have been wearing my new clothes since yesterday afternoon.
Yesterday, also I managed to smoke less again while out shopping and somewhat less over night now.
I am such a tech junkie! I have three portable MP3 players. The palm stereo adapter works just fine. So now I can listen to music on my cell phone. I may upgrade my Palm again but this would cost 400 dollars on ebay. I also would like to pay the furniture debit by billing my web master job for the full amount of debit or 800 dollars for 40 hours of work.
I am enjoying Bob and Doug's 24 anniversary special on TV. I note that I wear flannel, touques, and parkas... and work boots just like Bob and Doug. I also note that in Strange Brew their movie, Bob and Doug are labeled Paranoid Schizophrenic. I don't drink, but 24 years ago I was into buying 24's when the theater season was over. In fact, I bought one when my season as a theater stage hand ended. I worked in comedy in Canada eh? My dad worked at the same company as Dave Thomas' dad. In fact the senior Thomas was my first philosophy professor in 1977.
I went out shopping for new jeans today and also bought my first ever pair of leather sandals. They are Rockport brand rather than Birkenstocks. I also bought a hockey T-shirt. I then came home and rested and then went out again and bought a stereo adapter so I can listen to music on my Palm. This was only 11 dollars. I also bought us some supper and some cooking ingredients. I bought a vegan cookbook yesterday and my wife is going to make some peanut butter cookies from this book.
The storage crates that hold files are being used for computer books and some others are being used for files. I would like to organize all my school notes into these crates so that is another goal for my 100 goals in 1001 days. So I need to place my computer books elsewhere. I also need to buy some file folders and perhaps some more casters to hold the crates. I did last night stack the four crates with the computer books against a wall between the shelves I put in in December last year.
I smoked a lot all day at the bookfair. I enjoyed myself and have some sense of a goal or good feeling being created with a fellow union member and some union anti-intelligence work being planned. I will now try to set up the software for this goal in my Linux software directory on my eMac.
I am taking a trip today to an anarchist bookfair. I will buy some books and may be a t-shirt or hat. I just took some vitamins and will take a days supply of meds just in case I don't come home tonight on time.
I worked in my new duties all week. I took no time off. I left my Swiss army knife on a table at work and may have lost it. I will post a note saying it is missing on Tuesday. If it is not returned I will buy a new cybertool Swiss army knife. We have a long weekend because of Queen Victoria's birthday on Monday.
My doctor said I have mouth cancer developing. He said if I quit smoking now I will heal. After this news on Monday I cut down considerably. I am preparing to quit cold turkey.
My whole philosophy with grad school had been making time available for class time while working at a full time job. But it is really out of class time and the effect my time has on others that matters. My money also affects others and that needs to be considered. I am staying up over night but may end up very angry tomorrow.
I worked today. I watched hockey in the evening. I can't really blog much of my day today. Work went better today. It was rough at work yesterday with my cutting down on smoking and not bringing a coffee to work in the morning.
I ran to the store and then walked back. I am now going into work very early. I will only bring two cigarettes to work this morning. I will not bring coffee. I will only drink water at work this morning.
I shaved and am dressed for work. I read a paragraph of R.D. Laing this morning. I also read some sociological theory. But I am ready for a day of physical labour and getting fit. I will, in fact, go for a walk before work. I will buy some pop for my wife. She will do some grocery shopping today. I did some grocery shopping last night after my GP appointment. I bought us chicken already cooked last night and also a turkey which is defrosting in the refrigerator
I am continuing to cut down on smoking. I only smoke one cigarette on my workplace breaks now.
I would rather see injectable as a simple way of taking meds rather than a better way. I take two pills at night and in the past took injectable. Both work for me. When I took haldol in the 1980's this also worked. I never discontinued with out doctor's advice. The discipline v non compliance issue is over rated and does not apply to all of us. We are all different.
I worked well yesterday and the environment improved slightly. I can't write about the mental health of fellow and sister workers here but let it be known that the horror of mental illness is present at my work place as it is I suspect at most large workplaces. But for me in recovery I am doing just fine. This should be a good week.
I shaved my face to have just a small goatee. I was going to be writing a resume for a job opening at work. But I will go in one hour early and write the resume at work.
I gave up on my three goal plan yesterday. I had read that one should not keep trying to get things done when one is tired. I gave up on cleaning the balcony. I slept at about 2 PM and woke up today at 1:30 AM. I am seeing my GP about possible mouth cancer this afternoon. But for the day today I will work.
After my earlier blog posts here, the rest of my day seemed simple. I would clean the balcony, get some pop, bread and marshmallows and then to top it all off I would do a small grocery shop at the big store. I would only need to focus on these three task areas and complete the goal of clean up and keep the house functioning for another day.
Well three tasks were not enough. Instead, I would, of course, do more. I did just get the marshmallows, bread and pop. My partner just woke up and was thrilled that I remembered to buy marshmallows. But in the other two hours, since deciding that the rest of my day would be simple I did more. I did more blogging, read the paper( actually the sports section which I never read) and fixed the ice box shelf. I also did some accounting, got caught up with a credit card about to go over the limit, and made sure my partner had laundry money and money for her day. I tidied up the kitchen and the front closet a little too.
Now I will change out of my carefully prepared middle class causal non-believer Sunday jeans and disguised Ford logo hat that allowed me to walk two blocks to the store, and get into some old clothes for cleaning. May be I will even clean the cat litter today.
Well the light is up. I have relaxed after four hours straight of on-line web surfing. I now need to tackle the balcony clean up and try to complete it today.
I spent an hour or so reading about computer culture well actually a critique of the concept of an Information age. So it is not just quantity of information that matters but quality and meaning of information that matters.
I also did some reading on blogs. I can now use these blog studies to teach blogging and manage the bloggers I have to manage.
I did play Second Life and am being attacked in the game. I will call the on-line help for this game to find out what exactly my solutions could be to this happening.
I did my one outside duty this weekend yesterday. Now I want to continue to clean up. I will also surf the web and perhaps play Second Life, and build some more of the web. I also will also study some of the books I have including the blues book I am borrowing. I will update my school work blog. For Second Life I will also study some out of game materials about the game. These include educational and non-profit studies. I will also study some computer security, mathematics and perhaps some more Internet culture studies. I may even prepare for the fall term or next winter.
The drafting table was used a little while ago to hold the Thinkpad and the IBM computer I used in my experimental design course in 2006. Lately this drafting table by the office window was holding my fax, copier, printer and my microscope. As I move the new computer desk to the window I need to move the drafting table and clear and clean the floor more. I should vacuum too. I should also clean up the cables and rewire the office cables. I don't mean go into the wall and rewire but just rewire the computers, phone, stereo, and TV.
I did get the drafting table apart and cleared up the floor a little, maybe too little. I also cleaned up some cables but there is a lot more to do. I was going to just move the desk today but would have to unplug the computer along with everything else on the desk. But right now the computer is scanning a disk for virii so it can not be turned off for a day or two now.
I had my eye on a Nike+ iPod Kit and today bought it. Now I have to buy an iPod Nano and a device to convert one pair of my shoes so they can use the Nike+ system. I also bought bagels for some volunteers. I am home watching hockey now and shopping for hockey equipment.
My partner did buy me a new short sleeved striped shirt. She also bought herself a pair of shorts.
I miss judged the weather today and went out in shorts and a T-shirt. I was cold.
I won but have not yet paid for an older Pentium II laptop with French keyboard. I have wanted a French keyboard to practice with because my workplace uses the bilingual keyboards. I will install Debian Linux on this old laptop. It is coming with Windows 98 installed. From the same ebay seller in Quebec I am gettting an older model touch tone phone. I will pay for these on Monday.
Today my wife has twenty dollars to go to a charity shop to shop for clothes so I may be getting some new work shirts.
I will try not to shop myself this weekend but will spend some time this morning surfing store web sites as usual.
We had a lot of people working in my regular work area on Friday and all the joking and talking was difficult. I enjoyed some and laughed too but some was mean spirited humour and difficult to cope with. I took off early in the afternoon and went to the library and then came home and slept. I slept about 14 hours and seem to be catching up on sleep.
I need to read more of our workplace Intranet and so am going in 1 hour early. I also need to eat some breakfast and take some vitamins. This will be my last post until later this afternoon or tomorrow.
I am really getting into some problems with money these days. But our over payment to the government disAbility office is being paid back.
I swept up more pigeon dung. I can not complete this until Sunday or Monday early morning because the dung and dead pigeon need to go into the garbage and get taken away without delay. I can not leave the dead pigeon in the garbage for long and it must go to the building garbage and then without delay get picked up. This is so the dead bird does not stink up the garbage room too much.
But one end of the balcony is now swept clean and the table and chairs are out there now.
I am starting to read books now and will make a pot of coffee and stay up all night. I will come home early from work tomorrow.
I surfed facebook.
I worked today. I am not working at my best in my old duties when I have do these duties but my new duties are being done very well. I am also talking with a lot of people at work and my worries about talking are surfacing again. I am worried about exposure of my schizophrenia. I do get pushed into discussions about having given our daughter up for adoption. This is not pleasant and some people call this office politics or office gossip and I am trying to keep out of it. But I like to talk. I need to role play some ways of being quiet.
I worked today. I sent my resume up the ladder at work. I am home now relaxing and joined face book an internet social networking site.
In my economics course my professor really believed in me and it shows in the mark and probably the quality of my work too. I got an A- in the course.
I bought one table and two chairs for the balcony. As my partner went to sleep I put the table together. It is in the living room waiting to go out on the balcony. The two flimsy chairs are out there all ready with some cushions. I still need to clean up pigeon dung but did put some in a garbage bag this evening.
I am going to go into work early again today in about ten minutes. I am clean shaven and have some nice clothes on and my new pair of Nike shoes. These shoes are really not all that great. I prefer a nice pair of dress shoes. I worked well yesterday considering how tired I was. I slept at 3:45 as soon as I got home. My partner did some grocery shopping and she generally got out of the house yesterday and enjoyed the weather. I will be finishing up a resume before work and sending it up the chain at work for a promotion. There is a fair amount of pressure at work to seek better work.
I volunteer each year at our folk festival and this has become a regular occurance these days. This year I will also try to volunteer at our cities blues and jazz festivals. I have begun the application process for all three festivals. I will also help my partner volunteer this year. I should also be helping R volunteer. J also volunteers but I am not sure what help I can be for him.
I just barely passed one course in mathematics. I am relived that I passed. I would have hoped of course to have done better but am glad I passed. I did not get along with the professor. This type of personal conflict could have resulted in much worse than passing the course. I know for many of us with schizophrenia these personal conflicts result in much worse. Often we are not at fault and in general those in power keep us down.
My partner and I visit our daughter twice a year. We take pictures at these visits and I keep the photos on my Mac computers. I am just now printing these photos out on my portable printer. The pictures are a little dark but not bad. I put four photos of our daughter eating exotic fruit into a frame I bought at Ikea. I hung it on the wall in our hallway.
I decided to stay up all night after waking up at 11:00 AM yesterday. I have had a quiet evening surfing ebay. I have nothing to do to prepare for work today other than shaving and getting dressed. I should go in an hour early so will start to prepare and shave and dress at 5:00 PM. The last few hours I have been tinkering on the computers. I gave up on an old Compaq Pentium 1 laptop Linux install. But I am having luck with organising my desktop folders and files on my Mac laptop and also am going to be testing Linux on my Mac laptop.
I will have to clean the balcony some time this week, because I did not clean this evening.
I tried sweeping the pigeon dung and it worked alright. I will in the next few hours before the sun goes down clean all the pigeon dung up. I have an anarchist comrade who will drive me home from Ikea this week or next weekend with our balcony furniture. We are getting a small table and two chairs for the balcony.
I listened to a Rabble.ca pod cast about a training centre in Second Life for emergency responders. This is being set up by a state government response trainer in the mid west.
I bought a new minimag light this weekend and also some LED replace bulbs for minimag lights. Today I also bought a new fire extinguisher for my office.
I have been reading about cyberculture. I have about ten books out from the school libraries on cyberculture as well as culture in other parts of the world and books about consumption and our consumer culture.
I have never owned Nike running shoes. I bought a pair on-line from our camping coop. They were 19$ on clearance price from 90$. I am just going to pick them up at the store as they were mailed from the store in Quebec city. I am also going to buy bagels for our union meeting and my wife and I so I will buy a full dozen today. I will also buy some cream cheese at the bagel shop. Then I am coming home and getting ready for the union meeting this afternoon. I am also volunteering in law enforcement this weekend.
I did just now added up our income for the month and then faxed the report to the disability office. Other consumers also have trouble with income reports. I think this is because we are not rewarded for doing this work. These days if we report income we are rewarded with 100$. This new system may help reduce working under the table. But more importantly it may improve our ability to report income on time. We will now be more motivated to produce these reports and to work. I think this is enlightened government policy we now have in our province. It used to be the case that income reporting was over all a negative experience which is why we may have felt that it was such a chore to produce these reports on time. Thus this practical problem in mental health was solved and solved without medications directly.
I am again for the second month late with our income report. I need to do this report this morning. I will do it before posting more here.
I worked yesterday and wrote an exam at work. I did fairly well with the exam and then came home. I then bought a bus pass for the month and took a bus to Ikea where I bought some more desk shelves and now have four side shelves for each side of the desk and two top shelves. I am finished with Ikea for a few months now.
I came home and watched hockey on TV and also chatted at yahoo until about 2:00 AM this morning.
I am worrying about the mess on our floor. Both in the living room and and the office there is usually a pile of paper on the floor. While watching hockey I cleaned up the living room floor tonight. I did not clean it completely but did clean up some of my homework printout. I am just going to sleep after watching the hockey game. I took my meds about an hour ago. I will just take my last dose of vitamins now and sleep.
I am going into work a little early today but not very early. I should be able to post some more this afternoon after the mental health meeting in advance of mental health week next week. Next week is also emergency preparedness week.
Greetings sister and brother workers from a wobbly. I will not attend the march today in my city. I instead will be at work because our government does not celebrate May day. I instead will organize in my workplace as I did yesterday and as I do everyday.
Figuring these extra shelves cost 2 dollars each I am going to buy two more today after work. I also have to take some books back to my old school library and pay a library fine. Otherwise I have no meetings or obligations after work today.
I am attending a workplace disabled workers meeting this week. I have also been invited to attend a mental health workplace meeting. I arranged with my boss to attend both meetings. I will need to work a little late today and did work a little late yesterday to make up the time. I am also being tested this week for a web master job at work. I am doing very good work at work this week and slept at 4:00 PM yesterday dead tired. I woke up at 2:30 AM this morning and am well rested and ready to work today too.