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I read in Cyberselfish by Paulina Borsook that she owns a Kodak Diaconix printer and that these are excellent printers. I found many for sale on ebay some brand new and one with case and power supply. I bid on this last one 4$ plus 12$ shipping.
I am also bidding on a Power Mac 5200 and Apple 2400 printer for a friend, J. The seller of these Apple products is just starting out on ebay and is being very helpful.
My wife is doing some grocery shopping today with her dad driving her and the groceries.
I got a fair amount of part-time security work this month as the full time workers are on holidays. I worked 17 hours in the past two days. I have 30 hours next week. Then 12 hours each for the mid and second last weeks of August.
I also have my private tutoring, which reminds me I have to phone my students tonight to book them some time for the weekend and next week.
I have my TA work too but my regular tutorial should not happen next week as there is a civic holiday and Monday is a holiday. Maybe I should arrange a make-up tutorial. I have one more assignment to mark for this work. I should fill in on the web an application form for this work for the fall term soon maybe tonight. I am not sure of my schedule for courses I will study but I can estimate for the TA form. On the application form I have to put the times of the week that I am not available such as when I have my own classes.
I seem to be getting at some consumer level truth about communication in the population of those us being treated for schizophrenia. I don't like to use the word schizophrenic I prefer person who has schizophrenia. We should not forget that we are people.
Another busy day working as a tutor/student/teaching assistant ends and I feel great. It is the feeling one gets just before sleeping that one has a great idea or solved a difficult problem. This is a pattern of thought and confidence level of our thoughts that I read about in a guide book on sleep. Although for me this feeling is needed to refresh my mind I then stay up late to continue this feeling. I am doing that tonight. I will attempt a 30 hour day today and then sleep for up to 14 hours and then wake up for work on Thursday morning.
I know now why I write about work here. I was going to write about my work accomplishments in a journal to have a record of inch pebbles to show bosses. Instead by writing it on the web here I have reduced my personal security. I will try to keep my personal work accomplishments and tracking more in my pen and ink journal in the future and keep my school work stuff in my studies and more studies blog. In a way this is a therapised product. By speaking to our therapists about our life, then not having solid relations and boundries we speak of our life to almost anyone. This sometimes comes across as inappropriate conversations or being too personal. Also some of us have a related conversational problem that can be read as a poverty of thought symptom or sign. We repeat questions that authorities such as our parents or doctors ask us to our friends to make conversation. But because we are not our doctors or our parents we really don't have the same perspective or ability to hear our friends/consumer/survivors answers safely or appropriately. For me being on the receiving end of this is like the third degree from friends and sometimes requires lenghty explainations for people who don't understand some aspects of my life. But it all patterns of communication from real people. The phoney TV expression "we understand your problems" that occurs in sit-coms becomes people's actual spoken reality and it is a lie. Very few of us really understand more than a few people. Saying we understand someone's emotions is only a superficial nice thing to say and people still saying this often are ignorant of much of our human knowldge. Guess I am just becoming a middle age cynic.
We had our board training yesterday. It was relaxed. I can't speak for the board. I volunteered to be the secretary.
I am still going to check the laptops on ebay where their auction ends today. I won't bid on the printer anymore as the price went too high. I might prefer to buy an Ikea coffee table this coming weekend.
I don't know why I am writing about it here but I am reporting on my work. I am almost done this morning with marking the assignments for my teaching assistant work. I should be done in the next two hours. I then will record the marks. I like to do this stuff.
My third volunteer training session in ethics and helping for the victims assistance service is rescheduled so after tutoring for 3 hours today I am off. I will try to take Wednesday off from tutoring. I might tutor one student for an hour only.
I am working in my security work this week and next. Next weekend I have an over night shift.
I promised my supervisor the instructor that I would have the assignments marked by today but I am going to have them done by Tuesday or Wednesday instead. I have some problems with the answers and also just need more time.
Looks like I will finally be able to buy a Canon BJC 85 portable printer. I found one for sale on ebay and the auction ends on payday or the day before. I have two paydays this coming week. The printer is brand new too. Apparently they are not very good quality these printers and are slow. But it will be nice to have one anyways for printing at hotels and other places away from home like on campus.
I am also bidding on a couple of low end pentium Thinkpads with Win98. I will install Linux on one of them but the other one I might just give away to a friend with schizophrenia J.
These three items on ebay including shipping might cost me 450$. I have also been thinking of getting a Palm W cell phone PDA from the cable/wireless company. I probably won't do this for another year or two though. I have a cell phone contract for another 1.5 years as it is. We don't need three cell phones and a land line. That would be excessive. Also my Palm Vx is only 9 months old and has had no technical problems.
I got some marking done over night this morning. I am about half way through the marking. I might have an hour or two to work on it this afternoon. I did not quite make my marking goal this morning. Instead, I relaxed with my pen and ink journal some coffee and cigarettes. I also checked out the math department home page and find we can apply now for work for this coming school year. The on-line application form is available now.
I am just waiting for my students call on the phone in any minute and then I am meeting him at a local store for 9 am. I am going to try to get us to study for four hours today. I am also supposed to work with this student on Monday morning. He says he has fun studying with me compared to school assigned tutors. I am working with a different student on Tuesday. I might plan to take Wednesday off work.
I am marking a statistics assignment as part of my teaching duties this weekend. I hope to have it done by Monday late afternoon. I have 20% of it marked for all students. I just woke up at 8 PM and will mark it overnight. I might also help with the newspaper and of course I will read books over night and have quiet relaxed time overnight.
I am trying to find an old laptop for J on ebay.ca. I figure I can install a command line Linux for him to use. If I afford a low end pentium or pentium II I can install GUI software for him. But he should be alright with lynx and vi too. A command line computer might be a good adventure for him to go on. He doesn't take meds and has worked for about ten years when younger.
My student has his mid-term on Monday so we are working to get him ready this weekend. He is studying psychological statistics. I am doing fairly well learning his learning style and getting him confident with the material. It is an art form teaching and requires good listening skills.
I have spent six hours this past week training for victims services. We will work with the police mostly but possibly the fire and paramedics too. I have 40 hours total training to do so I have 34 hours left.
I am also volunteering on our cities Folk Festival at the end of August.
I volunteered at city hall this week as part of my committee duties. I will be attending a mental health focus group in early August.
I tutored two students today. It was nice day I spent about 4 hours in the library doing this work. I might be tutoring tomorrow morning too. I am also marking a statistics assignment as part of my teaching assistant duties.
My dad advises me to complete my law degree first before studying other subjects. I do have a plan to do this or a schedule of courses that I can take in criminal law to fill this plan.
I have also been reading about statistics and by tutoring statistics. I am getting better at statistics.
I am reading a book on digital technology and disablities. Basically we have to speak up for our rights.
I have tutored yesterday for two hours. This student I tutored today is not being tutored again until next week.
This weekend I will tutor a different student. I am tutoring this student today as well as on the weekend.
Also today I am tutoring a disabled student. So that's four hours of tutoring in the next 24 hours.
I am not working in security this week and there is possibly no security work next week too.
I am tutoring two students today. I am also starting my volunteer training in victim's services tonight. I have a busy day or two. I have at least two students today and tomorrow. Then Thursday I have at least one student. Also Thursday I start to mark assignments from my teaching assistant duties. I am taking vitamins that's for sure.
I was tutoring A yesterday and then again today. I am also tutoring E tomorrow. E was refered by M and I met these two on the train to school.
I helped a friend set up his printer, his CD burner, and his sound card last week. He paid me a package of smokes early this morning. Also early this morning I got X Windows working on my old 486 Thinkpad. I used someone else's XF86Config file and it worked. Thus proving I can still do accurate data entry. I need to learn programming in C and C+ in the Linux envrionment to get a job using XML according to the job adds in the paper.
I missed a day's entry because someone I worte about here objected to my writing about them. So I was chilling out for a day. I edited out what I wrote about them. I don't usually write about other people on the Internet.
I am fully aware that I have a very messy lifestyle as does my wife. Today I have to clean up the balcony. There is about two year of pigeon droppings out there. I have cleared the way to balcony door. I have basic breathing masks ready. I have an old pair of pants ready and some old workgloves. I have about 20 small kitchen catcher garbage bags ready to shovel the droppings into. I need still to get a long sleave shirt and the shovel from our buildings garbage room to still get. My wife is going out grocery shopping with her dad so I will clean then. I will shut the cat into the bedroom during this cleaning process. I will not attempt to stop the pigeons today. I have take some of the furniture that attracted them here off the balcony though and throw it out. This means a mosaic table my grandfather made may need to be throw out or better washed and stored away in our storage closet. I begin at about 12:30 in about 15 minutes from now.
I have read the first four chapters of Goggin, Gerald & Newell, Christopher, Digital Disability: The Social Construction of Disability in the New Media (Lanham, ML.: Rowman & Littlefield, 2003). It is interesting for its critique of the medical model. It looks at telecommunications law and also policy as this relates to disability. It also looks at the deaf community.
I have read this mornings paper, reading the career ads briefly to see that nothing was close to what I do or want to do or have education in. I spend ten minutes just now searching the web job search site the school is now using. I also sent two hours last night researching jobs. I maybe able to do computer help desk work. XML a technology I have been teaching myself requires Linux and C/C+ prgramming skills as well as coding in XML.
I am maybe working today tutoring A again this time in calculus. He needs help with indefinite calculus and Reiman sums. I will review these topics later this morning. I told him to call this morning.
I helped deliver the newspapers this morning. I have been awake since about 5 PM yesterday afternoon. I hope to have a 25 hour day today but if A doesn't call by 1 or 2 I may just sleep at 3 PM.
I read more of the newspaper this morning. That is last weeks newspapers. I haven't read today's paper yet. There was no schizophrenia news that I saw but there was a head line that read psychopath jailed after one day out of jail.
By having R, E, C, and J over every Friday I have created a schedule item or structure for these mentally ill people. R has held down a job now for 6 months a record for him. They all came by on Friday night. We bought them all pizza. It was our supper. I showed J my Linux 486 laptop and showed him Lynx and how Lynx surfs the Internet. He figured it out. He asked where I got my Converse All Stars on sale and we called up the store to see if the shoes were still on sale. They were not.
I am just reading newspapers and got through Thursday's and Tuesday's papers. I only really read the front sections though. This is court, political, military, security, health, government and international news. I saved the City sections for later reading. I threw out the sports, arts, driving sections unread. I did browse the business sections lightly.
I have a pain in my neck. I have treated it with massage. I have taken tylenol. Now I am going to use our two week old compress.
It is 5:20 on Friday and I have been awake for 17 hours.
I don't know why the world has been unjust to the disabled. But I do know that most times we disabled are pictured or portrayed as weak and inferiour. My family continue to assert that I am incapable.
I am helping to plan Mad Pride day for our city next year. It will be our first Mad Pride day ever in this our continuingly corrupt city. I am mad about disability studies. This basic truth of the mentally challenged is that we are angry.
It is 4 am. I have been up since 11 am this morning. I am going to read this past week's newspapers now.
The school's career services changed to another job search web site. I searched it for open jobs. There is one as a rep for a company at IBM's office in town as floater. It does not pay much more than I make as a security guard. It is mostly office work and requires on call work which I am used too now.
There was also a voluneer job available in managing volunteers at a women's organization concerned with women and computers. I did apply for this job and sent my web resume. I also sent my web resume to the director who interviewed me yesterday. I might help a little with the newspapers tonight. But I am not carrying any bags of newspapers tonight.
I was very stressed this afternoon after spending money.
I just chatted with R for awhile and I could relax a bit. I really relaxed when the city got quiet. I called up C and went to his place to pick up the printer I had loaned him. It was around 11 O'Clock to midnight when I did that. My shoulder is hurting me today. I must have slept on the wrong side of it. Also I have been carrying a heavy napsack for a about 10 months now. I won't be able to help the newspaper guy D with the papers this morning.
I found a going out of business sale for a government office supply store. I picked up some mechanical pencils, a metal ruler, a free pointer, some duct tape, some butchers string, a couple of packs of printable labels for floppy disks, 25 hanging legal sized file folders, a Palm belt case, and a post it note pack of 12 pads. I saved about 60$ on that last item, the post it notes. The other items were all reasonable but not as much of savings.
I did an intake interview at a volunteer agency today. It went well. Training begins next week. I have to wait to be approved by the BOD of the organization.
I attended our radical union meeting but only three other people came tonight. One member made a comment about the funny farm. It slightly angered me when I got home.
There are more fourth year statistics courses offered this year. I am thinking of going back to statistics studies this coming school year. This would be interesting that's for sure. I might also study social and political philosophy as that interests me. The only law course I am considering is a course in contraversies in rights theory.
I helped R install some drivers on his computer for his sound card and also his CD burner and helped him install his printer.
So I checked out the spiffy web site of the VICTIM ASSISTANCE SERVICES OF OTTAWA CARLETON. Their web site is here at http://www.vasoc.com. I am leaving for a volunteer orientation session at their offices in about 20 minutes. This should deepen by peer to peer skills and also my knowledge of community support services.
I got my new router working. I also got a Linux X windows system again. I discussed telephone customer service with my brother. We also discussed the volunteer job of web editor and he thinks one should have an English degree for this job.
I am having a busy day. After years of having a low community content, the past year or so, our local paper has had more contact info for local groups. They used to list the drop-in hours and locations in the 1980's. Now they have a column of volunteers wanted and today I called four of these groups.
I actually need to apply on line for the folk fest and to send resumes out the museum and also to the victims group. The most urgent is the museum but the victim's group I can fill out a form tomorrow night or on-line after the orientation.
I am working tomorrow tutoring a student. I will be tutoring second year psychological statistics. In other words statistics that are used by research and clinical statistics. He has a disability as well as others I tutor at school. He has been a manager of an aboriginal counseling service. He and his partner have just had a baby. He needs just this credit and he is off to college for post graduate studies to become a social worker. He like me is a mature student who has come back to school to finally graduate.
I studied a fair amount this weekend and got caught up on local daily newspapers. I read a good article about disabilities and assistive technology in the high tech section of Thursday's paper. I helped deliver the newspapers on Saturday. I did a 24 day Thursday night and again on Friday/Saturday. Today I am only doing an 18-20 hour day. I slept 8 hours the past two nights.
I have read the first two chapters and started on the third today of Bachman, Ronet & Schutt, Russel K. The Practice of Research in Criminology and Criminal Justice, 2d (Thousand Oaks, CA: Pine Forge Press, 2003). This material is helping me review research methodology beyond just how to research using legal sources and citation rules. It is allowing me to see the details on how to design a survey or systematic observations. The details are quite interesting. There are sections about validity, ethics, measurement, and deductive and inductive reasoning. It also covers feasibility, social importance and scientific relevance for studies.
My hopes are high again and my productivity is inspired. I won a spot on the board and was praised quite a bit at our AGM. I met new board members S, G, Di, A, and old members I already know. C came to the meeting and we sat together and talked a bit but we listened more than talked.
I made a speech about about my experience being lengthy and my knowledge of the corporate history of our organisation. I also spoke of my knowledge and efforts concerning the networking of consumer survivor groups. I also spoke in my speech about the pressing of the mental health issue I do with politicians and lawyers and teachers spreading the word of recovery and mental health as an issue that should bring us consumers respect. I ended my speech with a negative psychological ploy saying don't vote for me if you want a quiet none confrontational board and I won in the election. Next meeting is our board training meeting.
PSO are having our AGM today at 1 PM. We will review our annual budget, appoint auditors, and elect some new board members. I am going to run for election to the board again. I am up against some good candidates. There are five open spots and about 6 or more candidates so there should be an actual election. From 1999-2001 I was on this board. E is presently on this board. I am just printing off my bio and making a speech for the election now.
I sent my wife off on the light rail train to meet her sister this morning.
L came over this afternoon. L is my wife's friend. Then later at 8 PM C and J and E and R came over. They all watched Men In Black on TV. I was just waking up. I helped J print a letter he is sending to someone in security and maintanence at a local social services building. The letter is about J being banned from attending groups there. Then after they left I walked over to R's and helped set up a router I sold him in June.
I am just renistalling Fedora on my PC server but am installing it as a workstation install.
A called me out of blue with his mid-terms due. I helped him cram for these exams. The disabled students centre gave me a 5$/hour raise for doing this tutoring of fellow disabled students.
I am working in security next week which is good because I have not worked in that work for a whole month now.
I am not working as a teacher again until Monday night. I did have to help remark someone's mid-term today though. I am also studying on my own more statistics on computers and in various critical books on research in disability studies and also criminology.
I have played Advanced Dungeons and Dragons since 1998. I have played with the same people loosing a few players and gaining a few over the years. I have played a hobgoblin, a human, a half elf, a drow elf and finally an elf. My present character the elf is a thief/mage. So he is a wizard.
I am just getting ready to ride my bike to our game. We used to play on Sunday nights now we play on Wednesday nights. V, T, M and G are playing tonight. We are also open for A or J to show up and play if they make it. V and T are marrried and M and A are boy friend and girl friend. I find this game relaxing and a good way to talk to people about various things. So it is a social life.
I got my term paper back today. It got an A. I am pleased. I am not studying any formal courses again until September. I can't decide whether to study more law or philosophy or geography or math and statistics. I am though reading books on my own. I am reading a variety of different books on statistics. I am studying criminology and and a book on meta-responsibility for crimes and holding criminals responsibile for getting sicker. It is Mitchell, Edward W. Self-Made Madness: Rethinking Illness and Criminal Responsibility (Aldershot, Hants, England: Ashgate, 2003). That is mentally disordered offenders. This is related to the insanity defense.
I did some tutoring for the disabled student's centre today. I will tutor this student again tonight from 20:00-22:00. I am tutoring elementary statistics.
I got my marking done for my mid-term last weekend. I was quick with the marking and got it done early.
I got a daily dose pill box to manage my risperadol so I won't forget to take it or forget that I have taken it. I think schizophrenia managment for me is in the background now. I do though need many of my self management skills on a daily basis in the work place, at school, and in my family and community life.
While I am reading the books I take out from the library more now, I am relaxed a bit now with school out so was late with some books. I will take them back to the library later today after sleeping at 8 am this morning. I am still relaxed and learning stuff from the newspaper today too.
I can't decide on how to continue my education. I don't know if I want to study in grad school, teachers college or law school. I also don't know if I want to study in statistics in graduate school or legal studies. People ask me what I really want to study but I don't think too much about it and it does not seem like a fair question. I might also like to study computers in graduate school, but that seems like such a business like thing to do, even though my motives are not doing it for money but rather because I like, am good at and find relaxing studying computers.
They say 80% of the mentally ill are also addicted. This would be the statistics of the medical community looking at their subject of study. This statistic would motivate the addictions specialists to help the mentally ill. Other statistics and meta studies have proven it seems that NA and AA do not in fact help and that in fact there is very little we can do for the addict.
Do problems make us drink? Or does drink become a problem and cause further problems? Would making our other life problems managable help our addictions? Do we attack the addictions first or the mental health problems. Usually if one is being treated for mental illness in a hospital either voluntarily or in forced coerced confinment one is sober. So perhaps there is always some initial period of sobreity needed on the raod to recovery.
I read the paper by Warhol, Robyn R. The Rhetoric of Addiction: From Victorian Novels to AA in Brodie, Janet Farrel & Redfield, Marc. High Anxieties: Cultural Studies in Addiction (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 2002). This is interesting for its comparisom of novels with the literature of AA. Her point is that culture is how everyone understands the alcoholic and that this understanding has been around before AA in the form of Victorian novels.
Yesterday I tried to read Weinstone, Ann. Welcome to the Pharmacy: Addiction, Transcendence, and Virtual Reality in Brodie, Janet Farrel & Redfield, Marc. High Anxieties: Cultural Studies in Addiction (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 2002). This was confusing and rather too abstract, and the closeness to and addiction to Code was hypothetical at best. Although this paper introduced a collection of science fiction novels that I have access to and these novels all have apparently the idea of addiction to cyberspace within them. I have my own doubts that cyberspace addiction is a real addiction. It seems to me that excessive use of computers is not harmful and is in fact productive. True not all computer use is beneficial or legal but to say that this means computers are addictive for an individual is I think in the end a mistake.
I also read a few nigths ago as the first paper in this book Keane, Helen Smoking, Addiction, and the Making of Time in Brodie, Janet Farrel & Redfield, Marc. High Anxieties: Cultural Studies in Addiction (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 2002). This is almost the same paper as in her book that I read this past winter and fall 2003. She does question the labelling of addictions as bad. She also says that there is very little admission of smoking as pleasurable in modern discourse. It would seem that admission should be equal and truth seeking. That is both sides of a moral argument should be given to admission of the facts. So that while some may be allowed to say in this instance that smoking is harmful to the health, others must be allowed to say that smoking is fun, cool and pleasurable. But the post-modern world as it is directed by the moral right seems to be not seeking the truth but instead weighted to quick implusive judgements of wrongful behaviour.
My friends were over last night. We watched some of 20/20 but mostly we read newspapers. We found articles on side effects and also an article on hay fever cures. We all argued quite a bit about freedoms to take meds. I argue that some people like myself have few side effects and that these meds help us avoid emotionally painful behaviours. E said there is no way we can win. J does not take meds. J managed to work at the election polls.
I am teaching engineering students this summer. They are mostly all great at doing school work. I suspect many will score perfect, A+ for this course. I am staying awake today for 28 hours hopefully to mark all the tests. It is a nice day here sunny but not too hot. I am feeling very positive about statistics right now. I looked at Amazon.ca for some guide books on R the free statistics software and found one that looks perfect.
I am reading critiques of the medical model of disability. I looked up some stuff from the International disabled person's movement in the school library yesterday. So although disability maybe socially created it is also true that social reality needs improvement for a recovery in schizophrenia. We need friends to recover not just medication.
I was able to get more vitamin C and Niacin. I also got a compress and put it in the freezer. The compress is for first aid. There goes our emergencies supplies budget for the month.
I did a library search today for disability studies. I did not actually look at the books on the shelfs or borrow any, but took their library call numbers to get later. I was familiarizing myself with the literature in disability studies. I also researched some critiques for disability statistics and printed off one article about statistics and disability from the journal Disability & Society.
I changed my major to a single major in law and a double minor in geography and philosophy. This change will be in time for the fall term and registering for courses in early August. My marks are not ready yet for my spring term law course.
I went to school to pick up mid-term tests. I am going to mark these tests this weekend. My supervisor advised me a little on going to graduate school.
Our cat, B got a lift from a friend, V to the vet today. She is being spade. I will pick her up in about two hours. A different friend E is giving us a lift back from the vet. J is out visiting L and having a few beers.
I spent the last hour reading Internet law by Lawrence Lessig and Michael Geist. I placed an entry on Lessig's blog and emailed a question to professor Geist. Mostly they were writitng about copyright. I am not very interested in this legal topic even though I am a creative artist as are many close friends and associates.
I am reading two new books this Canada Day. One book is Goggin, Gerald & Newell, Christopher, Digital Disability: The Social Construction of Disability in the New Media (Lanham, ML.: Rowman & Littlefield, 2003), the other book is Butler, Ruth & Parr Hester, Eds. Mind and Body Spaces: Geographies of illness, impairment and disability (London: Routledge, 1999). I am also reading about criminology theory and addiction's culture including again Helen Keane on smoking and time.
My wife let me buy her some new clothes. This has been a long time coming. She has been poor for so long she says she proudly wears her charity shop rags. We got her a pair of shorts and a shirt from a store that sells large sizes. I got my self a bright pair of Converse All-Stars. You may know that wearing bright clothes is a symptom of schizophrenia.
My wife also let me buy her some new CD's. I got her some ELO which I think she admits she is slightly crazy about. What was that advise not to talk about famous people with those of us with schizophrenia. Delusions and stalking? No, thanks. Shopping and exercise? Yes, please.