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I am up just now and have been awake about an hour. I helped with the papers after the election but am not helping this morning. Helping with the papers is stressful. I guess it is nothing new to realise that work is the cause of a lot of stress. Work can be made less stressful.
I went to school yesterday to check my mail box and there was no mail. I picked up my pay stub.
I also bought some no-name printer ink for my old Epson 440. I also bought some universal styli for my Palm. I was going to buy some printer paper but did not.
I helped two friends get work at the polls. J is working and A might be working. J and C will come over later tonight and maybe R and E will also come by to watch election coverage and talk politics.
At 8:30 tonight I am going to the local green party office to help take down green party election signs in my neighbourhood.
They say political involvement is good for your mental health. I tend to agree and have volunteered on elections in the past and have worked at the polls. I could be working today at the polls but decided to take the day off. I will though study today.
Yesterday I read a little of about 5 books. I read some of a book on cyborgs out loud to my wife. This was good reading practice. I was a little less relaxed yesterday and today because I had about a 23 hour day yesterday. I hope I am reasonably relaxed today. This morning I am a bit tense and cooking up plans. I read a little as soon as I woke up. Hopefully I can read some more today and relax.
But there is an election tomorrow so things are exciting around here. The greens have gained the most from this election, we have become popular this time and taken seriously by the media and other parties.
I phoned my MPP to get some help with this video camera purchase because sales law is governed by the provincial government. I am also going to try to take the camera back to the department store today. When the other camera arrives I am also taking it back unopened. The camera seemed to be a video camera but only takes 3 minutes of video.
This liberal MPP is also supportive of the disabled community and he has attended the walk the world for schizophrenia before. He is also a good supporter of subsidised housing. This is not bad politics considering that I vote green. I guess I live in an enlightened community.
I am at ebay bidding on some computer equipment today that a friend will also buy from me. It is R and he is very reliable.
I might buy a new Palm Tungsten E at the department store. But first I will visit the Palm web site and see what its features are.
Well the department store dropped the price of a video camera I had my eye on by 300$ so I bought two of them. The first one arrived in two days by mail, today. It is a little on the cheap side. I can see these department stores as bad places to buy quality now. Oh well these will help me do surveillance and cop watch things. It does not have a memory card but has 16MB built in. It works with yahoo messenger but won't work on the eMac.
Although my sleep is in the day and I am awake at night the past three days I am sleeping a good six hours and staying awake a steady 17 hours. This maybe helping me relax as much as school being out. I also have my vitamins again and have a clean bill of health from my GP.
Like I say I am relaxed and I was able to publish two of my recent law essays to my crystalcomputing.net web site. They are here at this freshly edited web page. http://www.crystalcomputing.net/law.html. I used the same software I created the essays in Open Office to make them into web pages. Because I am relaxed I seem better at doing things like operating this computer to do web publishing. I also was able to read four days worth of front sections to our local city newspaper. I read a fair amount of letters to the editor and also crime and other court news. I also read the high-tech section for the week.
I feel great having completed another law course. I have not felt stressed all night except when helping R shop for a network hub for his xbox. I was chatting with him on-line using yahoo messenger.
I looked on the web at the University of Illinois on-line computer MCS program just now and a few hours ago.
I could apply to law school this fall and should get that process started but actually law school as I explained to my dad last night would not be a good idea for me and I find that with the hidden job market out there picking something classical like being a lawyer is not really a good idea.
I am at the point where I can decide to stop my law studies at this point with a three year degree completed or I can continue studying in this undergraduate program and complete a four year honours degree. While this may seem like a great achievment for someone with chronic schizophrenia it is I think a typically type of happening for a great number of people these days.
I have been reading about cybercrime. I guess I should know how to protect myself from on-line fraud. I have never really been the victim of an on-line money crime. I have faced a lot of hatred and aggressiveness in on-line speech. This has mostly been speech I have chosen to read on Usenet.
I got my work done for this week for the TA job. I have or may not be working on this job next week. Actually I am not sure if I will be needed to proctor the mid-term but I will be marking it next week. I will probably pick up the mid-term papers on Thursday or Wednesday night. Then once those are marked I have to give tutorial on Monday the 6th and then continuing with tutorials every Monday until mid August. Those are easy enough to give although it will require that I do statistics problems and read the textbook. I will not have another assignment to mark until near the middle of July.
I have no security work scheduled right now.
I am helping out with the newspaper today and yesterday and then Saturday.
I have had no web mastering work in about a month now.
I bought a cell phone case from Bell Canada at their web site. The shipping was free. Also I bought my first video camera because the store dropped its price by 200$. So I am paying 236$ including shipping and taxes for a Bell and Howell digital video, still and PC camera. I have movie editing software on at least two computers. I hope this shopping was safe. I need to make a trip to the local department store to pick up some shopping I did last month on-line.
I got some feedback from our instructor who said I needn't worry about my mark in the course. Thursday is our last class.
But rather than start to take time off I borrowed the first term source book for the public law course to start to study for that remaining second year core course public law. I also borrowed Unix in a Nutshell to study for an LPI 101 exam this coming July 10th. I am calculating that I will have two weeks to study for that and that should be enough time. I will have to register for the exam and pay for it to force myself to go through with it. I helped my dad network two Linuux machines on the weekend, in fact, on Father's day I helped my dad.
I am just writing this on my break where I wash my hands of the ink fom the newspapers. Before my break I sort the papers and sleeve them. After my break I deliver them which takes almost an hour. Then I will sleep and wake up at 10:30 for a meeting of community people to discuss the City hall Budget for next year.
My GP reports I am in excellent health. I only really get this pro-fitness when I visit him once a year. I showed baby photos to him and his receptionist both of whom I have known for years.
I am just going to see my GP now. I have had this same doctor for about 30 years now. He did yes once precribe my anti-psychotics but he wasn't too good at that.
My essay is done. I finished it off early this morning. I will hand it in in tonight's class. It is amazing I have studied 4 credits of law in a row now over about a year and a half. This would normally take someone a school year. I am doing not bad although the stress levels are high. I am taking the next two months off classes.
I didn't study much on Sunday. I did tie in my theme better to one of my points in my paper. I also printed the paper here at my dad's and gave that copy to M for her and B to read.
I installed R a statistical software on my windows XP laptop. I also found out about ESS and installed it on the WinXP laptop. I got xemacs configured to work on this winXP laptop and used them on Sunday night. My dad gave me a little demo of emacs and also got me a one page emacs command guide.
I helped my dad network his two linux computers and can therefore do more on Linux now. My networking skills are improving. I am feeling pretty good and my dad gave me an old sample bag of his that I think will be very good for carrying lots of books.
I was able finally to surf the http://www.coffeehouse.ca site and emailed a couple of Ottawa members. It would cost us 18$ a month to join that network. We would get our own web sites based on our names used on the network. I could get a pierreanoid.com site. J could get a site based on her pen name. We could market her books there and also our music if we could record and make mp3's. I feel like we would have to put in a lot of effort to do this.
We are enjoying a visit with our daughter. My brother is here, my mom and my dad and our daughter and her adopting family. It is a nice sunny day.
We are at our dad's place rather his partner's place. We ate at an Indian restaurant tonight. I chatting with B and R using yahoo. I then read some books on computer crime. Our daughter arrives tomorrow at noon.
My mom tries to make her most important points of advice when she is angry. This makes it hard to hear what she is saying when how she is saying it is so aggresive.
I could have worked at the election polls but had too much work, studying and volunteering to do so I quit that job.
I am busy today. We managed to vote in our Federal election. I am helping L's friend's Air Conditioning. Apparently the friend has a hole in her throat and in her heart. We are just sitting around chatting. L has some fear of going out these days. She helped found one of the self-help groups I am involved in these past ten years.
I sent some emails to T about V's behaviour. I seem to be able to bring things up about V with T but V does not use email.
I got some niacin and had not had any for about three or four weeks. Life seems better now.
I have just the conlusion for my essay and term paper to write now. I have enough of the body done now. I might add some more sign posts in the paper as the counselor at the disabled students centre likes my sign posts in my paper. I edited out my original ones after a clarity rewrite of the legal section. That was a good rewrite as I added more about the classification of information that I had learned in a computer security workshop I attended back in 1996.
Back then I was a stage hand taking flupenthixol by injection and still drinking. I took that 6 hour workshop as a stress break that term as it was my only course that term. These days I take 26 classes per term for about 18 months now and a little less than that course load before my last stress break in fall 2002. In fall 2002 I took only one course about 13 classes. That course was in the history of ethics. My next stress break begins in two weeks. I am not studying homelessness this summer term but stopping studies at the end of sprng term and starting up again in September.
I got a video CD with the New York Surveillance Camera Players Walking Tour of Chelsea on it. I was able to quote Bill Brown on video cameras for my paper. I also found a newspaper article on video surveillance that quoted the Commissioner of the RCMP so my paper is just about done now.
I am just up early in the morning about to help deliver the newspapers and also mark some assignments for my teaching assistant duties. I will also read some newspapers and some books early this morning and not go to sleep until after my city hall meeting on the committee on accessibility issues. It meets at 16:00 and the meeting is over always by 18:00. So I should sleep by 19:00 or about 28 hours awake today from yesterday at 15:00 in the afternoon.
Today I have to buy more printer ink, attend a writting tutorial appointment to check my paper and then sign some cheques for the union before going off to city hall direct from campus.
I am not feeling really up right now or down. I am sort of dry and excited by all the reading and learning I am doing. I have worked about 78 hours now out of class for 22.5 hours in class so a little worse than 4/1 out of class to in class ratio in terms of work load.
I have been trying to post at least one entry per day here. I sometimes miss when my life gets busy or my sleeping is adjusted like it was yesterday. I was also reading a lot yesterday and worried about bringing the right things to school.
It is really important to start things early. By starting my paper early I have almost gotten it done now. It is not due for another 10 days. I should have it in final draft by Wednesday this week. Then I meet with a writing tutor M and she will help me correct it. Also K from the disabled student's centre is helping me proof read it this week or next.
After this paper is done I will have all the credits for a three year BA in legal studies completed. I will most probably continue though to increase my credits and studies for a four year BA and thus need another 3 credits that I can do over the next year and be done with my law studies sometime next year. I might add a minor in philosophy too though so would take until 2006 or 2007 to graduate. Then it is on to grad school.
I volunteered to do some data analysis of disablities by looking at the data from a survey by a coalition I volunteer with. This survey concerns the population of disbaled people who use assisted bussing. I read a report on this data and the steps analyst would like to take next. My volunteering with the data analysis group is to advise the analyst.
C and J came over on Friday night and we watched the former President's funeral. One of our former Prime Ministers was there at the funeral.
We went out to a book fair to sell J's book. It didn't sell. We had a good day otherwise. I volunteered in the evening on children's hospital fund raising BBQ.
My brother helped us out a bit. My mom thought I was depressed. I am not depressed. I am tired but I am not depressed. I think I need help with anger managment. Friends think I need help staying quiet and that I reveal too much. Tha is my so called sane friends. I am glad I do not do much capitalist business with these so called sane friends. I would rather do business with students and people who can use the Internet and be transparent and open.
I was able to attend my retraining in CPR. I am still a valid CPR provider at level C. I have never had to give CPR. I do check people's breathing though when ever I am concerned about their health.
We have about 10 liters of water under our counter now for emergencies. We also have 7 days of medication each except for clozapine which we can't have extra of because of the blood tests. We have 2 solar flash lights charged up and 2 more waiting at the store. I might be able to pick them up this weekend. That would be normal eh going to store on a weekend as though I had to work 9 to 5 all week. We also have one latern powered on D cells. We need a fondue pot. There is a nice so called professional fondue for sale for 75$.
Ah the silence of the evening. I am just going to post this then head out to the 7-11 and pick up milk and smokes.
I had a fairly good day studying. I took time off studies until my class. I was able to stay quiet during parts of the class when other more quiet student's wanted to say things. I learned about responses to bio terrorism from another students presentation.
I rewrote the beginning of my paper. I'll print it out tomorrow morning and read it then. I am trying to get to sleep now. My wife has shown great responsibility in making sure we have money for the book fair table this weekend as well as float money.
Good night out there on the Internet.
I woke up a little unstable on my feet but am now totally relaxed after some morning computing and getting our income statement ready to mail to the government. I have checked my email and there is a fair amount of volunteer tasks that need to be looked at and responded too. This means a few more emails and telephone calls this morning and then I need to write a newspaper article abut working and disablities but I am only adapting a piece I wrote once before for our consumer group's newsleter.
I have my handouts printed for my presentation tonight. While doing the printouts at the library I had a nice chat with the library worker H. She has an MA in sociology and her BA in law and sociology. She also helped me with the printer jam in the machine. We chatted about university programs. I told her I had been able to write about computers in four law courses and she said quite truthfully that that would not have been possible ten years ago.
I have my slide show ready for tonight.
I also have some ideas now from a writing tutor for rewriting my term paper. I hope to get started on that today or instead just doing organizing and reading today and otherwise take the day off until my class and presentation tonight.
I also had a nice chat with a student I was tutoring who is about to become a father. We talked about parenting styles. It seems we are soon going to have father's day.
I worked as I said for two hours on Monday and then on Tuesday night helped L with his monitor and he paid me half an hour's wage. Otherwise I have no work this week. On Friday, I am scheduled for four hour's of CPR retraining for work. On Saturday I work selling my wife's book which is our private business attempt. On Saturday evening I volunteer at a children's hospital fund raising BBQ. So just school work for the rest of the week, generally besides the above and maybe helping with the newspapers.
I have been working on the computers around here for about 5 hours now minus some newspaper and school book reading. I read something about HIV, something about Bruno Latour's view of reality and something about where computer crime is at and heading. I need to chill out on the couch a bit my wife is up and washing the dishes I didn't wash. I did wash most of the dishes but left her some too. I am taking a break now.
This is stressfull. Up at 2 PM yesterday then up all night until about 4 PM today. I realise this is working within my symptoms so is experimental. Some suggest we will be hospitalised if we don't get enough rest.
I write some more of my paper and checked with a disabilities counselor about it. I also emailed the instructor about it. I have gotten permission to use a projector for the laptop at school on Thursday and my presentation is done now. I completed it in about an hour last night then spend an hour or two perfecting the colours of the writing and testing the print out and also preparing to take the file to school today to print handouts. I prepared it with Open Office a free office suite that is interoperatible with Microsoft Office. You can find it here www.openoffice.org.
I also attended my lecture last night and borrowed books from the library. I also then had to read these books. That reading was relaxing.
I am going to help with the newspapers this morning.
Later in the day I have an appointment with our school's writing tutorial service. I have done about 12 pages of my paper now. My slide show presentation is now complete. But I need to print it out and get some photocopies of it done for the rest of the class. I will take my meds in about two or three hours and then sleep at about 5 am and wake up at noon.
I put in another 6 hours on Monday on my essay for a total of 62 hours out of class study time. I will also work on my essay and presentation this week. The next three days all have school work time budgetted in to them.
Well I worked another 2 hours on Monday or maybe that was three. I placed some union posters up at work.
I also volunteered for two hours with disabled support agencies. I attended a meeting of a group of agency personal that hope to represent the disabled. There is some information sharing and some comparing of processes. There is also a substancial amount of process democracy. I have to learn not to interupt and still be able to speak at meetings. I volunteered to invite everyone to city hall. I am not sure I can do that. I called my contact at city hall about it and need to call her back during business hours. I suggested I might be able too. I also volunteered to help with an indicators study for this disabled community coalition. I don't remember much else if I volunteered for more. I need to contact the other community coalition that formed around the city budget this year.
I woke up at 2:30 this morning. I have been writing entries on my blogs and emails. I have been researching politician's blogs. I have used the school's disabled student centre's on-line forum. I have read a little research and done a few small corrections to my paper. I still, this morning need to enter a few summeries for my class presentation this week. Later this morning at 9 am I need to to attend a community meeting of agencies involved in disability support. I am powering up my Palm Vx to keep minutes at this meeting. I have written a poem this morning for a writers group exercise. The writers group is later today at 16:00. I will give a tutorial later today on probability as part of my work.
Our cat is almost at her full grown size. At least she is big now. She is probably about 8 pounds now. Last time she was weighted she weighted 6 something. Actually you know she has some to grow yet.
H and I are, I think, the only one's in the family using blogs. H has got 300 visitors to his blog. He is my mom's roommate. There was an article about Moving Type and Blogspot in the paper last week.
I just got in from work. I worked about 14 hours. I then took the bus to my companies offices where I got a pay check for four hours work. I bought some pop and came home. I have been awake 22 hours and still need to go to the train station and pay for some tickets to get us to Hamilton and back this month. I am going to drink some pop and relax before going to the train station.
Nothing about schizophrenia happened in the past 22 hours.
I need to work two hours tomorrow in my job as a teaching assistant in statistics.
I am managing a email list for the green party this weekend. This volunteer work is only temporary.
I manage three email list for a union. This morning I clearing out over 200 spam messages to one email list of these three. I have let the spam pile up.
I put in another two hours Friday night on my paper and my presentation. So I have at this moment put in about 52 hours out of class work on my spring course in criminal justice and social policy. I then put in about two hours on reading about cyborg politics and cybercrime.
J and C were here again. C and I have identified that she has been more depressed these last few weeks. I have noticed her being more negative. Tonight she was not so negative. I watched the Joan of Arcadia which we all watched. Then as was thought out by E and I earlier on the phone we watched Laura Croft Tomb Raider. Actually the others watched it. I started to get bit by my anxiety over the books I borrowed last night at school not being read. I went to my messy office and summerised another article for my slide show for next Thursday's in class presentation. I came back out to the living room just after 11 pm the time I set for everyone to leave each week. We didn't talk much then and everyone left in good order. J finally left his short story for me to read.
My wife drank some beer yesterday and had her friend L over earlier. They watched TV all afternoon while I worked installing Linux on an old laptop with some luck but also no good end result.
R has been trying to share his friends with me or in business speak he has asked if he could let his friends N and T have my phone number and email address. I need N's help with my windows computer and possible spyware on board or addware. R says that N would like to talk to me. I would also like to talk to N. It is because we both help R with his computer so we are both computer problem solvers. But will this work? Will R be able to network his two friends with me? What will my role be and how active will I need to be to affect this?
I worked one 14 hour shift this week and will work another one this Saturday night. I am guarding a telethon TV stage these nights. The telethon is for a Children's hospital.
I have about 9 pages done of a twenty page paper. I need to write another 11 pages of text or maybe ten or nine and I am done this paper. It is due June 24th.
I also am doing a presentation for next Thursday the 10th. I have done all the research for the presentation I just need to write the slides for the computer slide show. I have the form to borrow the projector from the school's media department. I just need to get our instructor C. to sign the form next Tuesday. The media staff know C. and report he is a good guy. He works in our nation's justice department. We do a lot of discussions in the classes. It is an interesting course so far. I have put in about 50 hours so far out of class time for 14 hours class time. I misssed Tuesday's class because I was adjusting my sleep for work. So a little better than 3 to 1 out of class to in class work on this course so far.
I am reading some other books about various topics from private security guards to encryption software. I completed reading the Larry Davidson book Living Outside Mental Illness: Qualitative Studies of Recovery in Schizophrenia. It was a good read and confirms that the person must take an active role in recovery and must to some extent be their own hero. Also social support in other words having a least one person who is there for the person is key to recovery. Although psychosis causes social isolation we all want to be with people and we all want friends and a social life. So recovery is possible when we find a social life that supports us.
My wife has a solo poetry book for sale now. She has made about 8 sales now besides giving away and mailing out free copies. She even sold two copies at our bank and four copies to hospital nurses.
There were some problems with the schizophrenia.com server that I think are solved now. I will be posting more now. I have a day off both work and school today.
Yesterday's paper that is Thursday's paper always has a hi-tech section. This week they reviewed Moveable Type and Blogger softwares for blogging.