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Thanks Jennifer for posting some encouragment. I did write one exam and failed to understand the Nash equilibrium point in an economic game. I still did well with the problem but not perfect. Today I have my last mid-term and am fairly relaxed today. I am having trouble finding time in the day time to study. I understand not being able to read and that is a bit of a problem still for me. But another type of concentration that is a major problem is getting distracted by other activities. In fact, I have only thought about my study plan today and have not started it yet and my exam is in about three hours. Oh well after this post I will in fact hit the books. My partner is out buying some groceries and our money situtation is a little better with some wages coming in tomorrow from web mastering.
I take 3 grams of fish oil a day but I am not sure if this is the best dose level. I know my fish oil tablets also have vitamin E so must take care not to take too much because there are dangers in taking too much vitamin E.
I took four days off of work. The first three days of this week are for study and then Thursday I have a day off of work and study to relax. I am doing some political volunteering on Thursday and then am back to work Friday and one day overtime on Saturday. I will try not to use the computers so much for study so may not post much this week until Thursday. But then again posting is relaxing so I may take breaks from studies to post as I am doing right now. We will see what happens.
Sorry I could not post yesterday I coud not access this blog. I was also very busy studying for my mid-terms.
I gave the garbage basket a good cleaning and we changed the bags. My mom took our old shelves yesterday, an old printer, and a friend's old BBQ. Thus cleaning the house continues.
I am just starting to use my laptop to do studies. I spent some quiet time reading the newspaper. I worked today over time. I ate dinner at a restaurant with my wife and my mother. I read some Feminist autobiography and will read some cyberspace studies and listen to my own band as I begin studying on my laptop for the next two days before mid-terms.
The schizophrenia.com team allowed me to start this blog three years ago. I have enjoyed writng it almost daily for three years now. Some academics have linked here. These academics study disAbility studies. Speaking of which our landlord has invited me to speak on behalf of social housing to the city governement.
I am working a day of overtime today. This is my last day of work this week. I will then have four days off work next week.
C and J came by last night. J read some Marshal Mcluane and C and I talked about her depression. I basically stated that I could not help but suggested she stop fighting with the doctor and think more about other things in life and continue her medications. We talked more about work and I also gave a brief story of my childhood moving around the world as my dad studied.
Another consumer survivor took a 19 inch televison from us. My partner's father gave us this televison a few years back. With my new job we have purchased three televisions and no longer needed this older 19 inch Cathode Ray Televison (CRT). We gave it away to another consumer survivor yesterday. She came and picked it up in the early evening. This is giving us yet more space.
Yesterday after work a driver came with a pickup truck and took the old Mexican office desk and old steel computer desk and the futon. They are going to another consumer's house. So there is more open space in our apartment now. The only thing remaining is the old shelving which my mother is taking for her house in the country. My mother has not been well enough to drive lately and also her car had some problems. I will talk to her tonight after work and see how she is doing. I sent her pictures of the new shelves.
I changed my techniques again at work and again increased my productivity levels. I am up this morning at 5:00 AM and ready for work. I checked our bank balances and am in trouble with money. I work three more days this week as I am working a day of overtime this Saturday. Then I should begin five days off work.
Somehow writing about focusing while at the computer helped me to actually focus. I find a kind of lying with schizophrenia which was also written about in the late 1950's and also related to this is exagerating and bosting. I often say these days I will do something and do not follow through justifying the untruth by saying it is my own action and I decide my own life through decisions not promises I have made. Of course the idea of honour and respect are slightly hightened in my mind as I associate with Chinese students and co workers who are Chinese but I think this idea too needs examination.
At any rate I did some reading and writing and more importantly relaxed thinking about school material. I also did some tough union email and was just reading some anti-racism studies from teachers. Here too labeling theory is still being used as a tool for fighting oppression. I am glad I wrote about labeling thoery sucessfully at least once on my academic career as I did in 2002 when I studied the wrongfully convicted.
I have studied for 8 hours since last Thursday. I am doing this by studying with a partner at the library. I am thinking I may stay up all night tonight and did not do this last night thanks to my partner's advice to get some rest. But tonight I may stay up and do some school work and have already avoided some getting lost with computers and basically stuck to the first task I had in mind for my computer tonight which was to update my school blog which is now done. I have done about ten tasks now with my computers since getting home from school and trust me I was avoiding doing much more. So many of my tasks are now done as I focused more and I have just used Entourage to update my school calendar in that software. The last time I updated my school calendar in Entourage was back in December before the holidays.
I can not write much at the moment. I worked today and will study tonight. I will post more when I get home from school.
I slept at about 6:00 PM last night and woke up at 4:30 AM this morning so about 10 to 11 hours sleep. I am well rested and ready for a week at work. I have no school in the evenings this week. I do have a board meeting for our self-help group tonight a few hours after work. I am working the regular five day work week then working also on Saturday for one day of overtime. Then I have most of next week off work so I can study for my mid-term exams. I have the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday already booked as vacation time, but may be I will also take the Monday off work. Anyway this present week will be tough. I will just take some vitamins now and am starting to get dressed and will need to shave for work.
I did pick up more paper off the office floor and cleaned up our coffee table a bit. I recycled this paper. I took out our garbage as tomorrow is garbage day. I also put a small old TV in the common area of the building and put up a sign I made on the computer in three languages telling neighbours that they could have this TV for free. About that time, I skyped my dad and we talked long distance with video conferencing about politics, racism, and then more productive things like my school progress and software and legal issues around free software and censorship and the Internet in China.
I continued to study with another student. Today too in two hours we are meeting to study more. We have two heavy mid-terms coming up. She actually has four mid-terms. I had been very uncertain of how I would do on these tests. My study partner is very worried about one course. We have been reviewing this course, and even though I am confident with this one course, I am studying and need to have a clear view of the material we covered in five or six lectures. The reviewing with this other student is helping me with this clear view. In my math course I am building confidence that I need by studying with this other student which is helping me commit time to practicing mathematics which is the only way to do well with it. So last night we studied for four hours which is a lot for me for group study.
I have now spent close to 12 hours at my computers. I did end up with some DVD backups for last year's Desktop folders from my eMac and also my Macbook. I made five copies and will send two copies off to my father's house in case our apartment burns down or we are evicted and loose our belongings.
I also put an hour into creating a membership records excel file for our radical union. But dealing with other members, as they woke up today and also started to send emails was problematic.
I ended the morning editting and then reading some entries on Wikipedia about schizophrenia and following that through to stress management, then time management where I am now. I also read a little about How to Live on 24 Hours a Day (1910), written by Arnold Bennett. I generally practice this philosophy he recommends of reading for self improvement, and reading about work and making time for this reading. I had started this way back in the late 1970's and early 1980's, reading great literature and then continuing to read history and nature books in the 1980's and then reading web pages and Usenet throughout the middle and late 1990's. I do wake up early to better myself before work.
Most of what I post here is my figuring out time management. I am flexible doing some task management in my head and some by notes or software. I think I need to study more about to-do-lists and also time management such as Pareto analysis. I also need to manage stress with positive thinking and uncluttering. So these are my recover goals area at the moment.
It is Chinese new year this weekend. I prepared a book my wife wrote as gift to the Chinese student I am studying with. I am just going to school now.
I prepared my clothes for my partner to wash today. I also picked up more stuff in the office and moved stuff around and recycled a little stuff. I will do more cleaning tonight.
There was a peace and security conference today but instead I have taken the day off. I am on call for my law enforcement volunteering this weekend but that just means I need to carry a pager and a cell phone. I am just now getting ready to go to the school library where myself and two other students will study probability this evening. Then tomorrow we study economics at 2:00 PM.
I need to get rid of more clothes. My wife told me to give away some clothes. She has it exactly right as in the decluttering book. She told me she sees it on Oprah Winfry and sees these people with compulsions and messy houses.
R and my wife and I are a music group. In the past we played a couple of shows. We are not great musicians but we could play some of my wife's songs. I opened a My Space page for our band. I posted pictures of our musical equipment but no personal photos and no music. Tonight R and I explored the MySpace page for our band. I did this exploration on my Macbook playing on the TV.
By 10:00 PM, R ws ready to leave and C and J showed up but I only let them in for a minute and said I was going to sleep. I have a conference on peace to attend tomorrow and I just took my meds. Instead I may not go to the conference and stay up and study a little or make web pages or blog entries. At any rate I am studying with other students this weekend at school.
I moved the new guitar amplifier and new guitar out of the living room and into the office. It is looking quite modern in the office now, where I am now typing these entries. I actually want to work in my office now. The room is becoming inviting and fully useable. I still have some papers on the floor, but I have picked up much of the stuff that was on the old shelves that was on the floor of the bedroom for the past month and moved that stuff back into the office. I have also cleared off the books and paper on the living room couch and also cleared the floor of the living room a bit better.
I am usually not open about my disAbiity at work. But I have joined the disAbility work place committee and although I am no longer able to attend the meetings my immediate supervisors and a few coworkers realize I have a disAbility, as I told some of them. Today I am seeing an employment equity officer to discuss accommodations in the workplace. Wish me luck.
My computers are working fine. I am thinking of buying a new used Thinkpad or Thinkcentre desktop to run Vista. But for now both of my Macintosh computers are working well. I need to follow up with other consumers I support with computing but that can wait till the weekend.
I managed to take a two hour nap on the couch this morning. I am now awake and not so tired. I did read some material on anti-racist work through poetry. I had told my African-Canadian neighbours about this book about a week ago. This reminds me I need to check the library account by checking my old school email.
In graduate school we are expected to write essays or as they are known at this level of school simply papers. It is hoped we can have these papers published in journals. The idea is to let the world or rather other academics know about our research. I am expected to start to have a publication's record. Just now I followed up on an email call for papers and read the authors guidelines for a journal.
I attended all classes last week and this week. I worked in a lab on Tuesday evening and took three hours vaction time this morning so I could sleep in. Tonight I will stay up late and be up all day tomorrow so I can study overnight. These longs days I am promising myself here in pubic will end when classes end in about 7 weeks. In fact, next week we have a reading week or what is known in lower schools as a winter break. So next week I have no classes and the last week of February I will write two mid-term exams. I am taking three days off work in the last week to give me time for last minute study. I may yet ask for a fourth day off as well and I am entitled to this fourth day off.
I successfully studied with other students for our first assignment. We all did our own work though so we did not cheat we really just cooperated. Oh well I am up all night now and want to review some mathematics class notes. I also want to read some books because lately I have not had time to read much. I have already played some beautiful music on my new guitar after getting home from class.
I met N first when we attended a workshop in speaking to politicians about mental health issues. N also volunteered at the folk festival so we met there too. I was chatting with her on the bus yesterday when I was bringing my new guitar home from the music store. She chatted about M and her messy apartment and meantioned some other consumers facing eviction over a messy apartment. This reminded me that our place still needs more cleaning.
I woke up with an hour and half to get ready for work today. I am well rested. I was just checking email. Now I will eat some cereal and have some vitamins.
I am sleeping some 36 hours after awaking Sunday morning. I have studied and worked today.
Another student called needing help with the assignment. At the time he called I had much of it done and since then I have done more and am on break right now. The other student inspired me to stay up all night working on the assignment. He might call me to talk about the assignment. It is mostly done but there are at least two sub problem calculations I must still do. I worked for hour long periods on the computer typesetting and solving the problems. I took breaks to surf the internet and communicate via email. I had all my recent math books out and being used. I will get this home work done on time and completely answered.
I must work on Monday too and then go to class and hand in my school work. I will sleep at 8:00 PM Monday evening.
I include volunteering in with work because the same laws govern volunteering sometimes as working. Also for recovery into the work force one first might try volunteer work as I did and then progress to paid work. Volunteering allows one to have conflict, deal with it and move on experienced in human relationships in public. So I did not volunteer or work today.
I also did not buy expensive extras today. I did do some web shopping and made plans to buy stuff but just today I only bought food.
Also today I relaxed with music listening rather than TV watching.
After I get some more homework done I will go out and buy a little groceries. I would also like to set L up with one of our old printers. L has a laptop now and needs a printer.
I have set aside today for completing my homework in my mathematics course. I have solved two problems and worked on a third both alone and with another student. I also have three other problems but they are not that difficult; but these three are what I will solve and typeset today.
I am up at 7:15 AM this morning after sleeping at about midnight last night. I will sleep at about 8:00 PM this evening to wake up at 4:00 AM Monday on time for work.
I just took some vitamins. I took 1 gram of niacin, 1 gram of vitamin C, and one capsule of fish oil.
All four of the shelve units are now built and up and anchored to the wall. The desk is between these shelves. The receiver is wired up and all the speakers are placed in appropriate positions for 5.1 sound. I completed this remodeling on Friday evening while my friends were over. R, C and J watched Return of the Jedi in the living room, while I built the final shelve unit and then moved the desk to the right position and wired up the speakers for the sound system.
I helped M with her computer. I taught her to scroll a window. She needs more help using email. I am tired and will take my medication now and sleep. No staying up this Saturday night.
I am watching some TV news and relaxing. I don't know if everyone finds politics relaxing. I heard that 1.2 billion dollars is being spent in Canada on electronics, information, and communications technology for health care.
I am off work now after six days of work. I am thirsty. My partner is making some lentil burgers. I am about to drink some pop and then make a pot of coffee. After relaxing a few hours on the computer I will complete some homework.
I am up on time for work this Friday. Today is the end of 6 days in a row of work. I paid our rent yesterday. I also bought some ink for my mom's printer. I am just relaxing with a little reading before work. I need to shave and get dressed still.
Even with an appoximately 40 hour day awake I did not sleep a lot. I slept at about 8:30 PM last night and woke up at 4:30 AM this morning. I am working today and including today have two more days to work until the weekend. I have some volunteer training this weekend and a volunteer meeting this evening. I need to study more and am considering quiting my job to focus on school work more. After work today I will pay some rent and may be pay some more of my guitar off at the music store. I am buying a new used electric guitar.
I worked today after staying up all night. Work was ok with minor bumping into accidents in the morning. This was because I was tired. I napped for half an hour just now. I am just going out to class now. I will sleep at 8:00 PM tonight until 4:00 AM. I hope I don't over sleep tonight.
I attended class yesterday evening. I did a little coordination with my partner, as we look for another partner for our group term paper. I asked the professor for a little clarity about what is expected in the paper. I asked about the length of paper and whether we could do computer programming. With that settled, I agreed with my partner about when we would meet to study for our mid-terms. I then relaxed and followed the lecture closely. I really like this subject and it is economics and business knowledge helps to understand the economics. I chatted with an American student on the way home fom class about labour and the great depression and the work week legislation that the American Federation of Labour supported.
I came home and loaded up the third shelve unit with all my law books. But this is a mistake as I should have attatched it to the wall first. This is what happens when one is full of energy and moves fast at a task. I should have taken it slower. Now I will have to move it out from the wall to attach the anchor and will need to take all my law books off this shelve unit to move it. I can do this over night but should start studying now. I am staying up all night and of course I am worried about my health because of this.
I am home from work and have been home about two hours and twenty minutes now, In this brief after work time I was full of energy and cleaned up my office. I vacuumed and wiped the wall for another shelving unit. I also built the shelves and did all the hammering it needed. It is up and standing in the middle of the office now. I will place it against the wall tonight after I get home from school. I will be staying up all night to do some mathematics homework. This reminds me I should check my wikipedia mathematics entries to see if anyone is helping them along. Right now I need to check my course web site and download and print any notes for tonight's lecture. I will then get ready to take the bus to school. It will be a 40 hour day today awake. I will nap a little tonight.
I am actually not finding a lot of time for study this term. I just dug out my last term textbook and need this for my math course this term. I will also share it with another student who is having trouble.
This won't be a long post as I am studying before work. I am almost ready to go to work now and will relax now for ten minutes and then go in early again.
I took some vitamins and placed my wife's pills in her pill box for a few days supply. She is going to the hospital today to have her blood test for her clozapine.
I managed a 19.5 hour day yesterday and slept at 10:00 PM. I woke up at 4:00 AM this morning. I need to go out before work and get some cash for my partner to pay for her favorite shawl that has been repaired. I have been talking with people this week about how electronics are no longer repaired. We just buy new boxes of electronics. I actually returned a cable television box after about 5 years of use and was told it would be refurbished and used again. I now have two high defintion cable TV boxes and one regular digital TV box. We have a TV in each bedroom and one in the living room of our apartment. I guess, I am bragging again. I need to go to a bank machine now. Then I will take some vitamins and make a final pot of coffee before going off to work for the day.
I have partnered with another graduate student. She is from China. We are working together on our term paper in economics and game theory. We are meeting before class today at the school library. This will be right after work. I am just about ready to leave for work now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning. I have been reviewing my journals. I have also checked my personal email. I visited some music pages at My Space and I uploaded some old band tapes of mine to My Space yesterday before work. I am listening to the French Pod Class. I will be allowed to listen to this at work. In fact all winter in my new job we are allowed to listen to MP3 players as we work. I have started to listen to my iPod the past two weeks and work faster when listening to music. I am still waiting to possibily be interviewed for a better job at the same workplace. Oh well five days left to work now out of six and then a volunteer training day on Saturday then I have Sunday off work.
I am working a day of over time today. I am up from 1:00 PM Saturday and already look tired. I took photo's of myself with my Macbook and I looked tired. My partner bought me some new clothes and washed them and I will wear these to work and am dressed in them now. The new sweater matches my hair. I am thinking I will shave my goatie off today. My partner made egg salad for my lunch. I am just completing some web work and student emails. I am also doing some budgetting and will now relax a little with some private journaling in pen and ink and paper.
Wow I have a clear floor in parts of the office now. Putting up the third and fourth set of shelves is within easy sight now. But I have to stop building shelves now because it is late at night now and I can not hammer at this time of day because of the noise. This cleaning on Saturday has been very relaxing and a goal fufillment. I have finished putting up the second set of shelves. I have filled these now with math books, science books, computer books and social science books.
I also put one speaker in this shelf. I am having trouble figuring out how to place my five speakers for my office sound system. I have two speakers at either end of the wall in the two shelves. I am thinking I will place the receiver in one of the remaining shelves. I am not quite sure where in terms of the sound system the front of the office will be. I know it depends on where I place my computer desk.
This placement of the computer desk is going to work well now according to my measurements of the wall. I will be able to have all four shelves along the wall with spaces for the two electrical outlets and telephone outlet between the shelves and also be able to have the computer desk sideways into the wall or perpendicular to the wall. The desk will go between one of the shelves and the other three. I now must decide whether I will face the door to the office or the window. If I face the door I will have more room behind me and if I face the window I will be backed up to the closet and may be have a better view but less privacy when people come into the room. But I only need to worry about privacy in term of being distracted from work in the office. By facing the door I will see people right away too and not ignore them as much. Also facing the window only one of the shelves will be right beside me, whereas if I face the door, I have three shelves beside me on the working side of the desk. But either way with the desk perpendicular the rear of the desk will also be accessible. I am just realsing that if I have the desk right between the shelves against the wall, I will be cramped by the shelves on the front line of the desk. So perhaps the desk placement will be away from the wall or even somewhere in the middle of the room. With the desk sideways, the desk and the shelves just fit end to end along the length of the wall. I could also place the drafting table I have in my office flat between the shelves and then free up the window area on the other wall for the computer desk and, in fact, I do need to plan the other side of the office where my clothes dresser is right now. But putting the desk against the window is the way I have worked in the past and I would like to try facing the door and so may be the drafting table will stay against the window. I won't worry about this further tonight and will do more studies now. The office remodeling can wait again until next weekend or the next time I get momentum to do this type of work.
Because I am late to work somedays I am in trouble at work and this is causing stress. This weekend I am working today but I have managed to relax by building the shelves and cleaning. Also last night I helped M with her computer and got her email working. I also helped a radical worker with his computer problem. I would like to be able to earn more money doing computer work as my own business and not have to work for others. At least that is one possible future for me. Today I am feeling relaxed and managed to solve some mathematics homework just now. I should be ok at work today. I won't get ready for another 5 hours and I am working at 8:00 am today. This is over time work and could spell disaster as I will start today to work for six days in a row.
I am not completing as much school work as I would like. But I am working on cleaning which is also important. I cleared the corner of the office and vacuumed it. The carpets really need shampooing. I won't shampoo them yet. I am just now half way through wiping the walls clean where the second set of shelves will go. The building is started and I managed to clear floor space in the office about 6 feet by 3 feet to build the shelves.
I took a little break to print some school work and proof read it and correct spelling errors. I also ate some supper that my partner prepared. She also did the recycling including my office recycling and the now empty box the shelves came in.
Oh well back to scrubbing now. I am using hot water and a standard household cleaner and it seems to get the tobacco stains off the walls with not much scrubbing.
I managed to take apart my old heavy wooden desk and get it ready for another consumer to take away for free. She is also taking a small solid steel computer desk that I had garbaged picked a few years ago. So my office is clearer now. But this has left piles of paper on the floor. This morning I used a green garbage bag and cleaned up paper using a simple rule. If something wasn't needed it was recycled in the bag and everything I wanted to save went in one pile on top of the old printer. There is still about a foot deep pile of paper I need to clean up in the corner of the office. I measured this corner finally and it will take a shelf and I can get all four shelves along one wall. So this is great news. I might be able to clean up further today and make some space on the floor to build the shelves and also clear the corner so I can put the shelves there. This activity is building momentum so it may get done today.
I woke up at about 1:00 PM after sleeping at 3:30 AM. I was hoping to stay up to about 6:00 AM and wake up at 6:00 PM like I am used to but because I now work the day shift I tend to wake up earlier in the day typically. So my late nights on the weekend can not be as late. I am hoping now to stay up until Sunday at 6:00 PM. I am actually working overtime on Sunday so will stay up all night cleaning and studying.
I started writing my economics paper that involves game theory. I sent my beginning to my partner in this term paper. I will also try to solve two or three math problems today.
I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning. I had trouble getting to sleep last night but got to sleep at 8:10 PM and was asleep by about 9:00 PM. I am just getting ready for work today and will take my first dose of vitamins now and eat some food. I think I will have a yogurt for breakfast. I don't usually eat breakfast.
In my web master job I am supposed to run blogs for other consumers at our peer support web site. Yesterday after my regular job I ran a session teaching about blogs to some consumers and a couple of staff members. I now need to set up thier blogs. I will start this set up after my regular job today but before my friends come over for our Friday social night.
I just checked my school email accounts and renewed books from my old school library and my alumni library account. I am just about ready for my final preparations for work and I will leave for work in about ten or twenty minutes.
I just put my wallet in my pocket and put my belt on. I shaved. I am ready for another day at work. I can no longer book off work when I want but must book vacations two weeks in advance now. This makes surviving in my job even more difficult. I am meeting my bosses supevisor today to discuss this. I have though booked off the last few days in Feburary for vacation so I can study for my school mid-terms.
I just took my vitamins for the morning but am out of niacin.
I stayed up all night so as not to be late for work. I worked a full day and then slept immediately at 3:20 PM when I got home from work. I woke up at 2:40 AM this morning. I have been doing some end of the month accounting this morning. Another student offered me her notes. I emailed her accepting this offer. I have started to work on our first homework assignment that is due in about 1 week and a few days. I am just updating my computer and then will check my old school's email account. A masters student of social work is approaching me to study our self help group. I think I will have to rebuff this request as I alone can't decide things for our self help group.