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I am posting as my Macbook gets itself a security update and will now reboot itself. I am posting this entry to remind you to keep your computers up to date as I also keep mine up to date in terms of software. I have to buy a license to use a Palm software called Docs To Go. I will be buying it this morning or later today. I will buy the license on-line and then register my software with the licesne code,
I like playing games and am exploring games again at ebay. I am also on-line with Second Life.
I did wake up on time for my committee meeting but not my class. I attended the meeting and then went to work for 7 hours. I worked 9 hours on Monday to make up for the missing hour. I am home and not too tired but instead excited. I am just checking email and getting the accounts recorded for the day. I will be paying a bigger rent this week. I found out at work I am going to have to write a test for a promotion. I work three more days this week. I must buy tickets this week for the department x-mass party and also we are having a project party later in December.
It was drizzling rain as I came home tonight from work. I am tired and sleeping early tonight so I can attend my class tomorrow morning. I just got my wife her meds and made some joint plans for tomorrow.
I am going to start work an hour early today so that I can come into work late tomorrow. I have a meeting before work tomorrrow involving mental health and the new government health funding structure. I am a consumer represenative on this committee. I will also work early on Wednesday and Thursday so I can come in late Friday because I have graduate student lunch Friday so need to come in late for work on Friday too. My boss has said this is ok.
I had only had fish oil for the last four days. I had no niacin or vitamin C. I was resting my body and I did not really know if I could afford the vitamins. Today I bought them and took 2 grams of each C and niacin at around 1:00 PM. Now I am taking another 1 gram and then starting to study.
I was able to negotiate a price discount further on the receiver today and got another 90 dollars credit. I bought more photo printer paper and made some more pictures of our daughter and family. I made some wallet photos.
I am tired but beyond that now. I need to sleep. I took 1.5 times my daily dose of risperadol half an hour ago. I took 9 mg and will now rest and not have to wake up until I am fully rested. I managed a lot of school exploring today. I will start this week's schoolwork tomorrow.
I also managed about 4 hours of union volunteering and picketting. I bumped into my political criminal law professer at the coffee shop we picketted. He was just leaving and I told him the wobblies would be picketting the shop and he quickly introduced me to his wife who he told me had talked about me recently. This was probably because the class I took with him was televised and I was often on camera and then this version of the course was shown twice more this past year for his winter and summer courses. He introduced me as an exemplary student to his wife.
On-line I explored academics in digital design and met designers from Vancouver in a virtual world representing a real campus open house in Vancouver.
I played Second Life this morning. I wrote in my pen and ink journal and I wrote emails. I am all packed and ready to go out to a union meeting now. But I won't stay for the whole meeting today I am coming home to do some studies.
I am coming across some Carl Jung in my system's science readings. I did in fact get almost perfect on this week's school work. I checked the teacher's solutions on the web and I had almost every question perfect. The one question I had wrong may be a typo. So I can rest my doubt that the ice cream and coffee rewards this week were too much. I now have to start my last assignment in this course due next Thursday.
I worked a half day today and came home and spent time with my partner. Now she is falling asleep and I am preparing to study. I have also been exploring Second Life for school reasons.
After class in the morning I was able to do my shopping and the trip to the library to return a book. I also did some union volunteering. I then came home and slept for three hours. I almost slept in and just made it to work on time for work yesterday. I worked a full 8 hours and got home and did the accounts. Speaking of accounts our rent is now going up from 10% of our income to 30%. This means I will be having to curb my spending. I may have trouble paying rent for December. I am working another 8 hours today. I also plan to work the whole week next week.
I am obessed with planning my schedule. I set times for shopping and the library to go to after class and the put in two hours slack before work today. I am heading off to school in one hour. I going to drink a lot of coffee today and am rewarding myself at the moment with a home made ice coffee. I think I will also eat a bowl of ice cream now as a reward for geting my school work done.
The type of therapy I have had the most of is goal oriented therapy. This is where in groups in a hospital patients were taught to set goals and then use the acroynm SMART standing for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Tangible to examine and analyse our goal setting. The goal I achieved just now is getting my homework done. So just as I feel doing simple math problems may be wasting my time this same understanding of the problems being simple means the math work is achievable, and realistic. Also the goal is specific, i.e. complete the course, the homework and problems, which also make it measurable against the course outline and the marks and the overall program at school. Also this morning I planned on doing one simple problem an hour and was able to stick to this plan for the goal. So not only is the goal itself measured but the process of getting there can be measured by time. The tangible is the feeling I get having a nicely computer latex typeset printed pdf file to hand in and admire for its neatness and elegantness. Plus there will be the feeling of pride and wellness I get from getting the work done and thus I have greatly reduced anxiety about making the right choices in my weekly schedule. Also the timing was so perfect this morning I am either manic or getting much better at following a structure and that is another goal namely getting projects done on schedule.
The goal setting work I do reinforces doing more goal setting. Here I borrow some terms and views from psychoanalysis and accept that some forces are always working to sabotage our goals. The further idea of self sabotage has allowed me to cut out time wasters and focus better on my school work and this has worked very well in some degree of application over the past ten years.
I did some school work this morning. I managed to watch some of a movie while I did this. I must say movies are better quality viewing than the weather network and news programs I usually watch. I also read on my new palm some of a cyberpunk book. Today is the day I give the old palm to my father-in-law. I also spent a little time with my pen and ink journal and feel much better now. I had a bit of a stomach bug yesterday. I think it resulted from our trip and my long awake day last Staurday Sunday combined with staying up late on Tuesday night.
I have one problem left to solve in my school work and hope to have it done by 6:00 am. I sometimes think this math problem solving is a waste of my time. But with only one problem to go in this week's school work and only one more week of school work to go I am happy to be completing what may amount to my last undergraduate course. And my grades in this course are still fine. I hope to do excellent on the exam. Then I can begin graduate school courses in January.
I felt a little ill today and took some time off work. I did go into work and work for two hours but then booked off sick for the rest of the day. I came home and have been puttering around. I will now continue to complete school work until class tomorrow morning.
I fell asleep with only 3 mg of risperadol. I woke up on time to work. I will work my eight hours today. I am just getting ready for work. I will take some niacin and fish oil. I am up late today which is good for staying up over night tonight. I will attend class tomorrow morning and hand in my shoolwork for the week. I will only work a half day tomorrow.
I was all ready to sleep but need to be up today so I will rest a little and drink some coffee then complete my homework some more. I did do some of more if it just now.
I used the pliers I bought in late summer, today and last week to repair our shopping cart. I used some old metal coat hangers to reattach the basket to the legs of the stoller shopping cart. Last week I fixed one side and this week the other side had broken its rivet and I fixed that side. So my tools are getting used. The plier made the job very quick, easy, and effective. I used the plier to bent the coat hanger around the cart pieces and coat hanger is good for this type of rivet replacement. We used to call this coat hanger engineeeing when we were in high school. I learned this material and its use and techniques for its use from a neighbour when I was in high school.
I decided to stay up over night Tuesday and complete some school work. I have been successful doing school work and will have to work at my paid work less today. But to stay up long hours means my mind and body are frantic while my spirit soars and my scholarship improves. So I took a 3 mg risperadol pill which is only half my dose for a day. If I don't get sleepy now I will follow through on completing school work. If I do sleep then I will have to complete school work tomorrow morning and work the half day tomorrow. If I do continue to stay up then either I complete my school work today and work a half day or I work a half day and come home and sleep and then complete the school work Thursday morning. Either way I get my school work done and work a half day.
I worked another day in government. I was told that when our project ends I will be kept on and given a new assignment. Also my contract will probably be renewed in February. So I have full time work these days.
I went a little further with planning on buying and driving a scooter today by checking prices for insurance and ordering a driver's handbook for motorcycles.
I had a car driver's handbook but my neighbour is borrowing it at the moment. I have known the neighbour since he was about 2 feet tall. I should call him a neighbour's son but he is almost a grown adult and should be graduating high school this year and getting ready for college.
I got dressed for work about an hour and a half ago. I will now just shave and prepare for going to work. I will come into work half an hour early today. I am enjoying music on my new sound system right now.
I did manage to read some 30 pages of a book about police work on the weekend. I also studied my textbook. But I am behind on completing this week's school work. I missed my lecture today as well.
My life is going well. I saw my psychiatrist for only ten minutes today. Basically I reported all was well and still improving. I will see him again in February.
I worked hard at work. I just got in from work and am making some pasta. My wife is already sleeping. I will now wake her and get her meds for her.
We arrived safe and sound last night from our weekend family visit. We got a chance to see my brother's new house. We have lots of pictures and memories of our child.
I am tired but more still wired from excitement. I could not sleep at 3:00 AM when I needed to sleep for our return trip today. Also tomorrow I need to be up at about 9:00 am or earlier to make it to our psychiatrist's offices. This can be done by sleeping a little on the bus today and then not having enough sleep on the bus sleeping a bit more tonight. Otherwise I would get in from our trip around 10:00 PM tonight and not be able to sleep until the early morning and then sleep too long. I have already missed my psychiatrist's appointment about a month ago and tomorrow's appointment is a rescheduled appointment. I am sort of excited by money and also my family at present but also I wanted to stay up to study. In the end I did study and am studying this morning but I am also doing computer work.
I managed to put in two good hours on the peer to peer web site. I also worked a little at the game Second Life. I also met two people in yahoo chat, One person had eating disorders and the other person addictions, depression and anxiety. We chatted a little comparing medications.
I finally completed the photo work I was doing on the computer. I made three copies of the little DVD movie I made of the video I shot today. I did not edit it at all. I left two copies of the DVD out for my father on his desk and am bringing one copy with us to watch on the bus ride home. I also got the photo's we took of all the family members sitting in the living room imported into my computer from my father's camera and printed four pictures. I just glanced over the prints and they are fuzzy. May be I need to clean the ink jets on the printer.
I am staying up a little now to play Second Life and also chat at yahoo. I need to wake up tomorrow at 11:00 AM so should be asleep by 3:00 AM this morning. I did a little study while the computer processed the video movie. I am also charging up all our electronics for the trip home. I will take my risperadol in about 1 hour.
My father and I are just processing video's and digital pictures of our visit. It was fun to see my dad's face light up behind his computer. We enjoyed our daughter's company and got a copy of her report card from kindergarden. She is doing well. I promised to buy her sister some playstation games for xmas. We bought our daughter some teddy bears and a Thomas the Tank Engine movie. We had my brother and his kids here and our mother and my father, as well as, our daughter"s adopted family.
I just tried replying to a comment myself making a comment on a comment. This is possible so if you have any questions about schizophrenia and want to ask I can try to answer but I am not a doctor but am a consumer perhaps like you.
We took a long bus ride to get here. We are at my father's place. I was given the day off work to make the trip.
I did stay up all night and risk my job performance today. I did also get my homework almost completed. But I learned long ago that thinking in absolutes does not work well in school. So I am handing in what I have done which is eight out of nine problems. I suppose I did not solve the more difficult one at the end. But I have my printed copies in my binder and my binder in its case and the case in my napsack with a couple of books to read on the bus. The bus will be crowded on the way to school but then on the way to my landlord's offices for the meeting the bus will be near empty so I will read freely. I am reading criminology this morning. I am not taking coffee with me. I am meeting an anarchist comrade at the school library between class and the landlord meeting. Then I will visit a guitar store to look at a bass I might purchase with a trade in and then come home.
I have been keeping agenda books for my schedule since I had a lawyer for a crime in 1982. In this crime's trial I was freed because I was attending therapy and had a part-time job and part-time school so was a good young adult at the time. I was impressed by my lawyer's suit and her agenda book left an impression on me. In the past five years I have settled on an agenda book style that I buy at my old university bookstore. But private self awarness journals for therapy I really learned about while studying self help and getting therapy for drinking and drugging in the early 1990's. I did not follow exact directions from therapists but used their suggestions and developed my own style. I rebel from direct control by therapists and believe we take and leave whatever therapists say and work in our own best interests. I do not believe the Freudian idea or Jungian idea that our motives are hidden from us and that we somehow work in ways unknown to ourselves. I have basically been keeping an almost daily journal for all the time I have defined as schizophenic. This may prove some day to be a record of one schizophrenic's life much as this blog can now function that way before I die. I now archive my private journal in large binders and write it on normal school loose leaf paper in a large binder. I deal with private issues in this binder journal. I used to write a lot on overnight shifts when I worked as a security guard in empty buildings and had to sit at a desk for hours on end with out moving away from the desk. My boss allowed this activity. I feel very relaxed when writing in this journal. I find similar relaxation writing this blog. But as this blog most of my journal writing is mundane and would be quite boring for a reader but for me boring is good. Maintaining lower level of excitment is important in recovery. As some doctors call it a lower emotional level like being on an even keel is good news for those of us with schizophrenia.
I stayed up late and had to re-solve a math problem. I got to sleep just before 4:00 AM. I stayed up to get the bills paid right away as I obsess about money. I am just getting dressed for work and will now shave a little and get ready to work today. I may stay up all night to attend class early in the morning, meet a union comrade and meet with someone in our landlord's office about income verification for our rent subsidy. All of these meetings and doings happen tomorrow morning before my work tomorrow evening. I will then be tired at work tomorrow and will most likely need to book off work early tomorrow.
I paid some bills like electricity which we call hydro in my province and our phone bill. I also paid another payment to the electronics store but the payment although the same absolute amount of money is less than 10% of the total bill now. The audio system brought the total up higher. I also just paid back a family member who loaned us a little money the day before payday. Yes we need help and we get it.
I stayed up to do some banking and now wlll sleep. I woke up yesterday at 7 AM. Now I have been up almost 21 hours and need to sleep. I took my riseradol around midnight. I will now take some more vitamins and sleep.
It is my obsessions with spending and shopping that are getting in the way of me doing my school work. I find it easy to read books but that is not really what I need to do most in graduate school at the moment. I also do not read all that much as I don't have enough time. I also use the web for school work but this too is not the primary task I need to do right now. Right now I need to solve some math problems and typeset them in latex. I am putting this off more and more every day now. I have also not been able to attend class and have not really been reading my textbook all that much. Perhaps this is spelling a disaster in my grades.
I just checked my email. I worked yesterday a full day. I was fairly productive. I seem to get along ok with my coworkers and there are no issues between coworkers at work. I don't know that if there were I would write about them here anyways on the public internet. I could get sued if I did that. I could also get in trouble writing about my work in any detail here or on the web anywhere. This is one aspect of being communicative I seem to have learned.
I have been keeping a work journal since I started working this August. I was just writing in it today. I don't use it that often and there are less than ten pages written in it so far. I am still going ahead with coming into work early today. I will come in half an hour early today which means I am going to leave in 15 minutes.
I just solved a prolem in my schoolwork. I have four problems left to solve today. I am starting the next problem now. I will keep working on home work until I have to go shopping for supplies then get ready for work today. I should be able to go into work half an hour early today. I am clean shaven for the day with a light goatee.
I slept last night at about 10:00 PM. I slept until 7:00 AM this morning. I am attending class today and will work later today. I have Friday off this week. I also had Monday off. I will take some notes in class today. My school work for this week is not done yet. I will have to have this done by Thursday. I am about four ninths of the way through the problems now. I have about 5 problems to go.
Actually now I think I will work on homework this morning, miss class and do some shopping before work. This gives me a bit of a stress break and I make sure home work is done.
I was so tired going finally to the electronics store this past afternoon. I was dozing off on the bus. I had already done some school work in the morning. I had then gone to pick up a parcel and get my partner some herbs so she could cook lentil burgers. I then took buses to the schools. I then before coming home made a long bus trip to a suburban electronics store. I had worried so much about spending money I don't have.
I was in luck. The Harmon Kardon receiver I was going to buy on-line was available at the store as a floor model. I thought of buying a Yamaha receiver for the same money but decided to match the speakers with the receiver. Then it turned out that because this model of Harmon Kardon receiver was on clearance and the receiver on display was the last one at the store, they gave me a 170$ discount for the box being open.
To do this and justify the money spending to myself, I today invoiced one web master job for money to cover the purchase. I did some web work and just now got an email from my boss at this job saying she is delighted that the web site is moving forward and is happy to have been invoiced. So material goods can motivate creativity and money making.
I returned two book on computers and society to my old school library. I also returned the two great modern sociologist's books. I wrote about one of them in my previous post earlier today. I read this book on the bus all day. I borrowed books too today. I borrowed books by someone I have met that were criminology books and one of them concerns the history, workings and structure of a department at my work place. I am not at present trying to work in this division but it relates to my legal studies and will help me understand my workpace better if I read this book. The two criminology books have similar themes and reference the two sociologists. In a way this is a school of thought I am studying.
Once a month we have a wholesale delivery or community food box of vegetables. We usually pay for this at the beginning of the month or so. I have to pay for these today and will do this at about 9:30 this morning.
I am buying a new stereo/audio system and was able to get some Harmon Kardon speakers on sale and these will be delivered this week. Now I am spending a great deal of time picking out an amplifier. This purchase has made my credit unmanagable at this point for the electronics store card. Even with some 35% of the paycheque going to this credit card the balance is rising too fast. I should really wait until pay day this Wednesday to buy the amplifier.
I did not make it out to the library this weekend so must go today as some books are due back soon and once I get working this week I may not have time to bring the books back. Then again they are not really due back until Sunday this coming weekend, so I could read them some more and return them on Sunday or Monday next week and pay a one day fine of a dollar for each book. One of these books concerns the effects of modernity on the self. The author looks at professional literature concerning modern relations and therapists and therapies. His point is that the modern world is creating a new context and reflexivity for relationships and our concept of the self. The authors name is Anthony Giddens and he is a British sociologist.
I was looking at external USB hard drives for sale on Saturday evening at the electronics store. I had planned to have two usb hard drives set up over a network but now I think this is not worth the money. I am ok for now backing up stuff and am not making many movies that would need all that space. As always hard drive size gets bigger and bigger for less and less money.
I slept naturally earlier today when tired. I tried reading a little in bed but soon fell asleep. I woke up just now at 9:00 PM. I will now stay up till about 6:00 PM Monday. I have Monday off for rememberance. I will do something to make peace even if only symbolic. I am just waking up now. I have worked on some school work earlier this morning before sleeping. I have solved about two problems out of nine to solve. I need to have this school work done by Tuesday.
I watched some TV and listened to the radio today about rememberance day ceremonies. I can't help but think that CBC support war because they get good stories.
I need to sleep. I was thinking of staying up but am tired now.
I spent about 20 minutes reading after work. I then did a little email. I also explored Second Life a little. I am just getting ready to do some web surfing and more studying. I may start some mathematics homework this morning.
I worked at a good productive rate all day. I did a little research of the new department I would work for if I get a more senior job and have printed some internal web pages to read about that department this weekend. I have Monday off so this is really a long weekend. I also looked into applying to be a Chief of a department which two supervisors said I should try to apply for.
I did a little email work and am now going to sleep. I also backuped some computer files.
Again this evening/morning I got off work and studied for a few hours. I read books and updated my school work blog. My plans to attend both libraries this weekend is shaping up. I will not have to stay up really late Friday into Saturday but can sleep at 5:00 am Saturday instead and wake up middle afternoon on rememberance day.
I worked hard again today and had some stress at work. I am not sure yet how to cope with this but my coworkers on either side of me also receive this stress. So we are all stressed so a group solution is in order I would think. I am not sure that I am any more sensitive to this because of my schizoprenia. I do though have extra coping techniques learned and supported by my peers in the consumer/survivor movement and some maturity to deal with this.
My training for next week was not available so next week I work three days with no training. I now again like the expression Thank god, its Friday. I used to like this expression as a young worker. But really I value work and what we are doing has idealogical overtones that fit my goals to fill the data analyst role/profession.
I should also update my seeking a more senior job. At the meeting on Monday to discuss my excel skills the person I met said they were very impressed with my qualifications and I had been selected to continue the application process. This news made me very happy and I had a great Monday at work. I took Tuesday off but did some very good school work that day. Wednesday was also good. Thursday was slow to start and like I say I was stressed by the work but by the end of Thursday I had monitored my work and picked up the pace and ended with reasonable productivity. I don't know how I will feel after sleeping but right now I am looking forward to woking on Friday and getting a lot done. I will sleep in about two hours.
I lied down and then slept until noon. I missed my class. My great plan came to not. Oh well I am now well rested for work. I am not risking work now.
I stay up to 4:00 or 5:00 am these days. Basically this is 5 to 6 hours after I get off work. I have some nights joined yahoo chat and then realised it was late and had to say good night on-llne to strangers. I only judge these people by their on-line text interactions. I just took my night meds and another dose of vitamins. I woke up early yesterday but am not trying to do that today. I had been thinking of staying up all day so I could attend my class. Now I am thinking of that again now writing this. I have only 4.5 hours till class and also only 3.5 hours till I would ideally leave for the bus to class. I could try sleeping after class before work. I would be risking work by doing this because I would not be well rested. But I would gain so much by attending class today. I will see how my meds affect me. At least I took them so now should be sane even if I stay up and this may make work a lot easier in the end. I could be home from school by 11 AM and sleep until 1:30 PM or 2.5 hours sleep. I could rest a little now too for five minutes at a time just rest my body without sleeping. Just lie down. This sounds all good. In the end it will be a 38 hour day with 2.5 hours sleep and then a good 12 hours sleep the first half of Friday. Yes that is the plan. This is good to use my blog for self discovery and planning my life.
I must be careful not to do too much now today. I will only focus on class and work. I will have to do a little household work to support my wife's day but other wise I will not try to do things that are not done or late. Just class and work, writing and computers and resting enough.
I read a few books and did some linux computing just now. I checked my two university email accounts today. I plan to spend Saturday at my old school's library and bookstore where I will buy some ink for my new portable printer. I will also browse library books. I will also make a trip to the library at my present school on the same day and return some books another student needs to use,
I start working everyday at exactly 3:00 PM. But I am in my cubicle typically 15 minutes before this to check email and get my desk ready for work. I am already dressed for work and just need to shave and do a couple of more volunteer group contacts and I am good to go.
I am able to wake up early as today proved. I slept at about 2:00 AM and started to wake up at 8:00 AM and fully woke up at 9:00 AM. I got to school and handed in my assignment. I now will relax and then go to work for the day.
My guilt management worked to make sure I did not waste my day off. I did work hard on school work and have had only about an hour and a half break in the past 6 hours. This week's assignment is almost complete. I need to solve the rest of just one problem I have already set up to be solved. Then I will print the assignment out. Tomorrow I have to wake up at 8:00 AM and get to school by 10:30 AM to hand this homework into the professor. I took my risperadol five minutes ago and plan to sleep at midnight.
The next week's assignment is not very hard. I reviewed each problem and thought of how to solve each problem and except for the final two problems the work is fairly easy. I will just do some banking and then perhaps solve the next week's assignment between 9:30 PM and 12:00 PM, tonight.
But actually now that I think about it I can hand in next week's assignment on Tuesday next week. Next week I have Monday off because of rememberance day so can arrange my weekend sleep to wake up really early on Tuesday and make my class and then work Tuesday. I have training on Wednesday and Thursday next week and then we are visiting family on Friday and the weekend. I can also use the long weekend this weekend to complete next week's homework so for the rest of this evening I will double check this week's homework and complete the final problem. I can also relax a bit and do the banking and some internet surfing and watching the US election news.
I have homework due every week now for four weeks in a row. I have had two or three weeks to work on this week's homework but really didn't start it until Saturday and Sunday. I decided I needed to stay home from work and get this done for tomorrow one day early. I might also complete next week's homework tonight. I went into work briefly to check email and talk to a senior boss about an upcoming course I have to take in public service work next week. I then asked my boss if I could take some vacation time today and she agreed. I came home and worked for the past three hours on my homework taking only a half hour break to watch Canadian news of the US elections. I could really get distracted from homework by the US elections tonight on TV. But instead after my break I went right back to completing the homework. I will finish this week's assignment in a few hours at this rate and start the next week's assignment. So I am treating my time off paid work as a full time school work day.
I am starting to think of Christmas trees already because some stores are starting to sell artifical trees. We buy a real tree every year.
I missed class today and attended a disAbilities sub committee meeting at work. I had put my name in for cochair for this committee but did not win the election. I now have a few hours before I have to work. I have a volunteer meeting that I will not attend tomorrow evening because I have to work. This is for my volunteering in victim's support. I also have a green party meeting on Thursday but it is also during work so I may not attend. I have some time off available at work but may save it for my exam day at graduate school or the holidays coming up around Christmas. But one meeting out of three is good and this meeting I just got back from was at work so relates to making money and my disAbility activism.
A job I applied for had excel skills as an essential requirement. I was told I did not have enough skills in excel. But they have allowed me to have an informal meeting to discuss these skills. The meeting is scheduled for today at 2:00 PM before work. I am dressing up in nice clothes wth a suit jacket for this meeting.
I slept at about 4:00 am this morning to about 10:00 am. I have been doing a little math homework just now and also blogging and printing. I printed some photos of our family last night. Today I printed a picture of my Second Life avatar. I am going to buy my mother a printer for christmas.
I enjoy writing original music. I noticed a research article on the front page of schizophrenia.com about music therapy and wanted to join and say antedotally that I believe music can be relaxing. My partner uses music and TV to take her mind off of the spirits that torment her. I write music to deal with issues and knowledge of politics. I get quite a release writing and singing music. I have played some of this music at self help groups with a band. I don't always like the making of music because musicians I have worked with are difficult people to deal with and drugs and alcohol are issues in music work. But I like the first playing of a song and it is really the follow up and delivery of the music to the audience that is difficult.
I only see my psychiatrist a few times a year. I will see him this month. I am doing ok so he should be gving me positive feedback.
I stayed up some 32 hours on Friday and Saturday. R came by and ate a hamburger but C and J were late and I had gone to sleep. I needed to nap today. I think napping is good for recovery. It reminds me of all the napping I did in hospital. I stayed in hospital for 9 months the last time I was in there.
I am thinking that although I don't mind posting details of my studies here that should best be left for my school work blog. As well I think my computers and stuff involving my tinkering with computers should also not be too detailed here. My computers are working fine. I still owe a little money for my IBM laptop but otherwise my debit involves entertainment systems, daily living and clothes.
Today I am reading heavy intellectual theory and also geting around to my school homework due this week. I am posting to blogs and may do some web mastering today. I am behind on web mastering a little bit. Mostly I need to get to work on a union web site and also on the self help network web site. I should also update the city accessibility web site. Which reminds me I should be making some donations to cover the account for that committee's web pages and also donate to a local city political campagin I said I would support with 15$.
In my radical union I have been talking about my consumer survivor achivements with a new member who also has schizophrenia. He is studing social work and seems quite bright and caring. I notice a little of his excited inappropriate paranoia but otherwise he is doing well and has worked in the social services field for many years. Right now he is a student.
After writing the last two entries I cut up beets. I am now steaming them. I am not even sure steaming will work for beets but that is what I am doing. I will eat all the beets in butter. Apparently beets are good for cleaning the internal digestive system. I take so many pills my internal system needs this cleaning. There are beet fast diets one can use for cleaning the body from medications temporarily. I also washed the beets in soap and water first. Pete's eats. This will only be my second and third serving of veggies today.
My day is planned out. I am volunteering this weekend. I have a union meeting today at 2:00 PM. There is also a small local protest today at noon before the meeting. The protest is to protest the firing of a union organizer. I can do a little shopping downtown while doing this protest and meeting. I won't be buying anything too expensive just regular office and household supplies. I need to come home after the meeting and not shop late at night. I need to chill out tonight after having been up some 30 hours. I should stay up to about 10:00 PM tonight maybe 7:00 or 8:00 PM. C, J and R all have invites to come over tonight. C, J and R will be forgiving if I am not in top form but the union will generally be unforgiving as will the retail workers I will interact with today. But I don't blame anyone for the way they behave around me. Especially I would not blame low wage retail workers with having an attitude.
You may not know the significance of the red chair to popular science journalism. The red chair was a feature on the discovery Canada network. Many of my early internet wanderings were guided by the Discovery Canada network. As well as Discovery Canada, the magazine Internet World helped me learn the internet. I am now finally throwing out the red chair I had garbage picked years ago for it significance. I am rearranging my office and if I have time today I will be buying a new office chair on credit. The red chair is an arm chair that was also reminicent of my old college digs where we lived on old furniture in a 7 bedroom house known as Negation House. Young philosophy students are nuts in their own right. But what makes a chair or any object legitimately significant or delusionally significant? What is the difference?
I am dreaming that may be after five years of progressively more responsible government work and completing a degree in systems science where I study some management I could become the director of the major psych hospital. Whoa what a dream that is eh?
I am just getting ready for work. I am wearing jeans today at work. I managed to coordinate some union business. There is a world wide protest today at Mexican embasseys. I am not going to be able to attend this protest as I am going to be working.
I spent about five hours this morning at my computers at home. I am just getting ready to sleep. I took my meds about half an hour ago. I just updating blogs. I will work today from 2:00-10:00 PM. My computers are working just fine. I am listening to Bach at the moment on my laptop.
I just wrote down the days transactions with the banks and credit cards. Our next major purchase will be some barn coats and I might buy a scooter. I am waiting to hear about parking space and also a loan for purchasing the scooter. It will be a Vespa GT 200 Grandturismo scooter. I managed to pay back more than 10% of the electronics store bill and will pay another same amount in the next four pay days. This should bring the debit down to about 1/3 of what it was at its peak. Things will be tight until the end of the year but debit will be paid.
I wrote a test this evening at work for a promotion to mathematical statistician. I also worked two hours this afternoon and then about an hour and a half after the test. I am home now and just took some vitamins. I will stay up a little now and do some studies and homework.
I am writing a test in statistics today at work. I slept at about 3 AM and woke up at noon. I am well rested for my test. I missed class this morning and some union volunteering I was supposed to do today.
I got a good review today in my work feedback. I also kept my levels of productivity up. I am feeling less stressed. But I am feeling guilty about missing class on Tuesday and will stay up late tonight to make my early morning class tomorrow morning. I will then try to nap around noon and then go to work.
I did about an hour of emails, web seaches for links, and dreamweaver editing. This was paid work for the hospital self help group partnership. I am really up waiting to be credited at my bank account with my pay cheque so I can pay the electronics store bill.
I am managing to up my production levels now. I worked again yesterday and work again today at 3:00 PM. On Wednesday's this fall I have nothing scheduled but work. Also I may try to go in a couple of hours early today. I am scheduled to receive some feedback on my work today.
Yesterday a few of us brought candy and some of the women dressed up a little in halloween costumes. In our apartment we put a pumpkin in the lobby and I left some chocolates out for kids. I am enjoying the company of my coworkers these days. I may be making a change from school to work some twenty years later than normals do.